Reasons…
My brother and I used to have this game. We would share examples of extreme decadence and stupidity, and decide these were reasons the world has to end.
In that spirit, I’m going to come up with occasional reasons the world has to end. And hopefully start to number them. The numbering system comes in no preferential order, but is just a way to keep track.
1. Individually wrapped potatoes. Was at the grocery store and found that I could buy two individually wrapped potatoes for $1. All ready to microwave in shrinkwrap. Presumably for those really busy (lazy) people who can’t spend $1.79 on a five pound bag of potatoes and wash a couple and wrap them in plastic wrap. I’m a single person who spent a lot of time living alone. I know that the food world is geared to people with families. I know that sometimes, a five pound bag of potatoes can go to waste in a world full of hungry people. But really! If you get into this habit, you buy four potatoes, and you just spent more than what you could’ve on a cheap bag of potatoes. Why not just buy that bag, and give all the rest of the potatoes you couldn’t eat to the homeless guy on the corner?
2. Powered travel coolers. Apparently we are so closely connected to civilization that buying a cooler that plugs into your cigarette lighter seems like a pretty good idea. A store I was in the other day must’ve gotten quite a shipment of them, because there were a lot. Either that, or nobody was buying them. Perhaps the manufacturer was doing one of those marketing ploys: creating a market. You see something that you’ve never seen before and realize you must have it, even though you never knew it existed before. And that you lived quite comfortably without it until 10 seconds ago. What happened to plain old fashioned coolers and just ice? Just a thought.
Oh, this is a good thread, here. I can think of all kinds of signs that the world is nearing the apogee of stupidity and decadence.
One example I thought of the other night: DVD players in SUVs. I drive a lot on the highway at night, and in the past couple years, I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve passed or been passed by an SUV with one or more DVD players playing. Sometimes the screens are even large enough that you can see what movie is showing (I’ve noticed “Nemo” playing a lot). Whatever happened to reading a book on a drive? Or playing license plate games? Or playing I Spy?
Thank you! That’s one of the reasons too!
Hey, and as an addendum to matthew, apparently those have caused problems because people like to watch porn while rolling down the street in their suv/minivan. those in neighboring vehicles with curious kids aren’t too happy about that.
and second addendum: there are dvd players built into headrests, showing movies to passengers who AREN’T THERE! or even worse, dvd players built into headrests that face the friggin back of the suv–built into the headrests of the back row of seats. so even if the SUV were full, there still wouldn’t be anyone to watch those dvds.
yeah.
Conspicuous consumption. Look what I have!
I don’t know if I have a feeling one way or another about DVD players in vehicles but here’s a reason to add to your list:
Last week before I flew to Florida and back, a friend sent me a list of real instruction labels on consumer goods that were just completely stupid. (For example, instructions on an iron’s box said: “Do not iron clothes on body.”) But the list was quite funny too. What really torked me off is that I ran into one of those labels on the list on one of my flights to Florida.
I got my midflight snack. (Oh, and I did NOT have to pay for it. Apparently, only Midwest is going that route so far with the pretzel and nut buying.) On the package of my midflight snack was a list of ingredients. It was a snack mix. Under the ingredients were instructions. The instructions said:
“Open bag. Eat snack.”
Excuse me, but what fucking moron thought these instructions were necessary???
We can only hope the person who wrote those instructions had a sense of humor and was just being facetious. You have to wonder, though.
I’m wondering if don’t stick up your nose should be included on there.
i had class with girls who would stick fruit loops up their noses…
I stuck a bean up my nose on a dare in the second grade. Very traumatic experience, especially since my Dad had to come over to school from work. He was not happy. I think the “[insert small round object] up your nose” story is a common rite of passage in childhood.
Your dad had to come? Traumatic indeed. you didn’t need medical attention or anything, did you?
These girls (fruit loop gals) were in high school, though, but they were the ones everybody liked, so what do i know?
Well, I panicked when the bean wouldn’t come out. I was crying because I was scared I ahd really injured myself and would have to go to the hospital. The Principal and my teacher took me into the bathroom and together encouraged me to blow it out, but I couldn’t do it. So they called my Dad to come down so he could take me to the hospital. I think the fear of my Dad gave me some additional motivation to blow that damned bean across the room, because before he arrived I had already gotten it out. He was still pretty upset at having to leave work, for no reason as it turned out, but I did not get a spanking or anything. Pop just bawled me out (as Beaver Cleaver used to say).
OK. I am just going to come out and say it: I have never put anything (bean, Fruit Loop, or otherwise up my nose). Has anyone ever stuck their tongue to a cold pole? Is it just like in “A Christmas Story?”
I thought of another reason last night: Hummer limos. Have any of you seen these monstrosities on the road? Good Lord, what have we become?
Another reason: The Simple Life ‘Nuff said.
Man, you’re killing me with the fear of your dad thing and the bean.
Hummer limos! Oh yes! You’re so right. Perhaps we should start numbering all these and make this a communal list.
We’d see a Hummer limo all the time in South Bend (near where there’s a Hummer plant). And we’ve noticed a couple of SUV limos that like to come and fill up at the gas station by our apartment because it seems to be the cheapest gas in town.
Pity the poor limo driver, I guess.
Talk about conspicuous consumption. And what really gets me is that I live in a state where there are all sorts of restrictive environmental regulations and taxes and all sorts of crap, yet we have SUV limos running around.
And the Simple Life falls under the larger category of reality TV. Or as it’s sometimes more recently called, unscripted televsion. Because that shit’s about as far removed from reality as you can get.
Not all reality TV is bad, though. Some of it is entertaining. I like the show Cheaters, which is admittedly more a “documentary” in the style of Cops. Both programs have a very Conservative underpinning: the maintenenace of law, order, and the family through morality tales which instruct us in the consequences of cheating or committing crime.
I still like these shows, though. Sometimes it’s just fun to watch other people’s sordid lives dragged before the camera.
When I watch The Simple Life, however, the only thing I get out of it is a shudder at the chilling stupidity of Ritchie and Hilton. It’s downright painful to watch! How can two people that stupid be so well-rewarded by society?
I can’t watch reality tv. The only time I do is when other people are watching and I find it rude to flee the room.
To be fair, not all fictional programming is stellar either. I think dramas do the best job at this, but not all dramas.
I’m going to chime in and say all reality TV is bad. Well, I USED to be hooked on “American Idol.” But still.
I’d vote for Hummer limos and/or SUV limos being on the list too. Those things look so stupid!
I’d also like to put in a vote for computers that call your phone. If my phone rings, I want to talk to a REAL person! I hang up every time I pick up the phone and I hear, “Stay on the line for an important message from …”
I seriously can’t think of one reality tv show that I thought was worth wasting my time on. I know people can defend their reality tv shows, and that’s fine. We all have different opinions. But I personally can’t find the worth in any of them. I just hope some day, entertainment will become sane again. If it ever was.
And we keep getting this call from unknown name, unknown number that is clearly a recorded message. Every time the answering machine picks up, it picks up in the middle of the message, which says this is not a sales or telemarketing call. Please call 1-800-xxx.
If I’m home, I will look at the caller ID, and don’t pick anything up that says unknown name or private name. If it turns out to be legit, and you’re somebody I want to talk to, you start leaving a message, and I pick up.
But every time this message starts, I pick up the phone, and hang it up again to save the bother of having to listen to it record on my machine.
Get one of these calls at least once a week. They don’t say what they want, who they represent. I’m assuming that’s at the beginning of the call.