Haven’t felt
I haven’t felt much like writing lately. More stuff has happened in my family, and my life boils down to phone calls and feeling useless far away from home.
But it’s sometimes good to get away from your thoughts, to keep busy, to not feel useless or sad.
We went to Yosemite (my favorite place) to its ski area, Badger Pass. We were accompanied by coworker Diana and her husband, Jeff. Three out of four of us aren’t skiiers, so we went snowtubing.
She came all the way to California to wear this hat. And a coat that was given to me for my trip to Michigan in December. Who says you don’t need heavy clothing in California? As it turns out, layering kept me more than warm, so I didn’t even need a heavy jacket or the hat I bought on clearance the day before.
Diana and Jeff.
Snowtubing, it turns out, is really geared more for little kids. The hill we slid down was disappointing and short. Slide down just the wrong way and you were likely to be pushing yourself or getting up and walking sheepishly the rest of the way down.
The line to slide down kept getting longer because most people refused to slide down the second run out of probably imaginary fear that it wasn’t as fast.
Waiting to go tubing.
But it was fun to go to the snow and play in it for a while, knowing that we’d be leaving the snow and the snowball fights as a memory, and go back to our spring.
Heather had just returned from Indiana and snow. Only to come to California for more snow. Here, she contemplates doing evil things.
After finishing our runs on the tubes, we decided to take a walk up the hill, toward a loose collection of snowy structures, from half-finished forts and snowmen to what might’ve been the beginning of an igloo.
We walked past two belligerent boys trying to pick a fight. Companion Jeff (being much like a little boy himself sometimes, I suspect) told the kids we weren’t going to fight with them. Then we thought about how the kids’ parents probably wouldn’t like four adults pelting them with snowballs. And then the kids threw some more snowballs, and it was on.
I could be ashamed to admit that we had our hats handed to us (full of snow) by two 12-year-old boys. My arms hurt the next day (and still do) and we all had to quit eventually, breathlessly, as we realized that they caught all of our missiles while they managed to hit us sometimes.
We were saved by the timely arrival and ambush by their friends, thus distracting them from their original targets. But as we walked away, we had to avoid parting shots.
We acted like little kids, starting another snowball fight among ourselves. It felt good to forget our ages. It felt good to have the sun beat down on my face (and I got a mild sunburn) and sweat under my layers. My butt became numb from sitting in the snow, but I didn’t mind.
It’s a little like having a vacation every weekend, if I want it. I love Yosemite. I love the coast. I love the long spring and the blossoms cropping up on the fruit trees or on the trees outside our apartment. I love mountains and desert and even Fresno. I love being able to go somewhere different and explore, to see beauty I had only seen in photos, and therefore could never really appreciate.
It makes it harder to think of the pull from Michigan, and how much I miss my family and want to be there for them. For the first time, I really regret the distance.
I hope your family is able to work through its difficulties. You have to keep reminding yourself that there is really not much you can do at this distance. It’s hard, though. After an accident at Christmas, I have an uncle who is now likely to be confined to a nursing home for the rest of his life due to a head injury. I call every week for updates and am fully conscious of my own helplessness. I am also conscious of how easy and serene my life is, compared to other family members who are spending afternoons at the nursing home feeding a grouchy, brain-damaged fifty year old man.
More snow in Yosemite than we’ve seen in Ohio awhile! Glad you were able to get away from the pull of everything else for a bit, to throw snowballs and let go for a little while. You always have to return, of course, to the pressures and emotions at hand, but perhaps doing so with a larger sense of the world.
Our family concerns tend to be all financial, so moving closer is an impossibility. They need me working much more than they need my presence, which is a hard thing to say, but true. I’m only five hours away from home, of course, which can’t be compared to the distance you face.
Hang in there. Weren’t we supposed to get in touch a few weekends ago? Are you around for us to call you tomorrow?
Reminds me of one of my trips to Seattle, when one of my sisters, her new hubby, their youngin’, and I drove not quite an hour to enjoy snow. My nephew was very interested in the white stuff, it being his first encounter with the powder. We enjoyed kettle corn on the way back.
Well, I know we haven’t talked about what’s going on in your family for awhile but I truly hope things are on the upswing. As I told you before, it’s rare when someone can say “I know how you feel” and mean it. And I do mean it. If you need to talk some more, feel free to give me a call.
In the meantime, I can just imagine you and HT in a snowball fight with two 12 year olds! And…I can also imagine them beating the snowpants off of you. Still, I’m really glad you took this mini-vacation away from your thoughts and worries.