Overheard
“Stop touching things. I told you not to touch stuff. If you touch one more thing, you’re going to the car … (long pause) to sit with grandpa.”
Darn. I was sure the woman was going to just make the child sit outside by itself.
It just struck me as funny.
My dad has a handful of stories that he cycles through.
1) Baby poop on walls. Shower with mother
2) Eating onions in the garden with no shirt on. Stinky breath
3) The belt in the grocery store.
Apparently we were being bad in the grocery store one day. This could have been my brother. This could have been me. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter.
He threatened one of us with a strapping with a belt if we didn’t start behaving, and a nearby woman started laughing.
“Ma’am, I don’t think this is very funny. My child is misbehaving.”
This is also before the days where a simple spank would be enough to call the cops.
“Sir, it’s just that I couldn’t help noticing that you aren’t wearing a belt.”
We also got the obligatory, “You can get out and walk” on car trips.
Ah, childhood.
You know, these baby poop-in-something-other-than-diapers stories seem pretty common, as we have a mutual friend who has a graphic one about baby poop, some sort of an explosion and it going up the kid’s back.
I say we should take an informal poll of the parents who wander by this way. What’s the baddest baby poop story in your arsenal?