Everything was great, except…
On the cruise, everything was great, except for the things that weren’t.
Overall, I really enjoyed myself, and would go again. Three nights seemed not quite enough time; four nights would have been perfect.
The elevators. You could never get on an elevator without another 15 people. I used to cheer when we got an empty elevator and hoped against all hope that nobody would get on at any point.
I don’t like people. I don’t like people being in my personal space. Once, when we were clearly packed to the gills, someone said, oh, is there room for two more? People on the elevator agreed, yes, two more. Oh, well, is there room for four more? By the time they were done, it was six. There was not room for six more. Yet there we were. Lazy. Next time, wait a little longer for the next one. I don’t need to smell your nasty cologne or your slightly drunken breath. Trust me, I do not like you. And the closer you get to me, the less I like you. Making stupid jokes about not letting more people in the next time the elevator stops makes me like you even less, if that’s possible.
The housekeeping guy. Was kind of creepy. He kept popping up at strange intervals. It’s weird to know that the guy making your bed knows your name and leaves mints on your pillow. And makes you towel animals. And therefore probably disapproves when you leave half your stuff out over a miniscule room. We learned to put our suitcases away just so we wouldn’t stumble over them.
The stupid college kids. The older I get, the less tolerant I get of people yelling for no reason, and competing to do stupid stuff like the bellyflop competition, or best hairy legs for guys. I’ll be honest: I didn’t go to either of these events, so I can’t actually comment on the quality. But I think I can figure it out for myself.
As an example of the average privileged stupid college kids I’ve come to despise, I’ll talk about the kids sitting next to us during the emergency drill at our muster station.
Throngs of people must first get to their lifejackets (and you’d better go to your cabin to get it, too), then they must play with all the little things on it. What’s this for? It’s a whistle! I will blow it several times for effect. Hey, this is a light in case I end up in the water. I’m going to play with it now, so I’ll be sure to use up the battery now!
I’m not actually going to put the lifejacket on, either, until told several times by an employee to do so. Even then, I will be smartassed and grumbly. When I say smartassed, I mean very stupid and annoying.
Heather and I get to our muster station. An employee notices that I look really tired, because I am really tired, and offers me a chair reserved for the old and infirm. He tells me I’ll have to get up if someone old and infirm needs the chair. I am grateful and agree. There are two chairs still turned over and reserved. But a cookie-cutter retard and her retard brother act like they’ve already been at the booze for three days, though the cruise has not even left the port.
They take the chairs, plopping down. The girl is the chatty one, but they both sound stupid. They talk about how wasted they’re going to get. The girl looks at the life vests of some other passengers, notice they have little target-like icons on them.
“Oh, your vests are from Target. I love Target. No really, Target is like my favorite store!”
When an announcement comes on, telling people to be quiet for the captain, who will speak next, she shouts, Aye Captain. They also are talking loudly through the explanation of what to do in a real emergency.
And let’s just be clear about what Skipper Barbie thinks about the drill, if you haven’t guessed already. It’s cutting into her booze time.
“If the ship were going down, I’d be pushing and shoving people out of the way. I wouldn’t be doing any of this drill stuff.”
I had these pleasant visions, as she said that, of me pushing her off the boat myself. Just watching her fall into the water below. I’m not proud of this vision, but it made me happy.
Rude people in general
Who does like rude people? We went to go see a comic do an adult-only routine. I won’t get into what I thought of the comic. Heather has said she wants to write about this. What I will say is that before we saw the comic, we caught the tail end of what seemed to be the stupidest set of activities I’d seen people engage in, in years.
Maybe I’ve never been drunk enough. Maybe I no longer properly appreciate the incredibly juvenile.
Anyway, moving back to the rude people. No where to sit. We try to stand, as other people are doing, and someone touched my shoulder and told me we had to move. Behind her, a rude middle-aged woman kept making motions for me to move.
So we moved a little. I’m annoyed already. Then we’re told by someone else, you’re going to have to move, or you’re going to get trampled. (Because people ran up to the stage to do stupid things.)
So we move one more time, and stand for a minute or two before another person tells us rudely to move.
“Where do you want us to stand,” I say. “There’s nowhere else.”
The woman doesn’t care. She points in the general direction of chairs which may or may not be occupied by some juvenile ass currently running up to the stage.
It was at that time I wasn’t having any more fun. It was late Sunday night, nearing the end of the cruise. I don’t like standing. I wanted to leave; the comic was late coming on. But we stayed. I was still in a foul mood.
In general, people seemed to consider themselves entitled to have a good time, without considering anyone else. People pushed and shoved to meet their goals. A group of young girls threw ice cubes and liquid off the side of the boat before we left port, even though there were signs saying not to do that.
I enjoyed myself a great deal. I’d go again. But I’d kinda like to go without the people. I guess I could say that about the rest of my life, too.
