Retrospective
Four years ago, I was starting a new life in a new land. I started blogging.
My dad and I crossed the country. I was learning a new job. I was spreading my wings.
And here I am now. California-ized like any proper wimp. Cold has a different meaning for me. I know too much about real estate, water and agriculture.
I’ve learned a lot about photography because I’ve been spoiled by my proximity to the mountains and national parks.
Getting fresh fruit from people’s back yards is definitely a treat. Where else can you get free lemons and oranges?
It seems such a short time ago that I moved out here, and now such a long time too.
I’m in my third place in Fresno. My cat lineup has changed. I’m looking for a job that will take me to another town.
I love Fresno and its warts in a way that many people would never admit to. It will be hard for me to leave a place where I’ve done so much learning and growing. I’m eager to leave, but on the other hand, I don’t want to leave yet.
I loved exploring when I first got here. Now I just sort of sit in my cave. It’s not that there’s nothing to do; it’s just I have no one to do it with.
Sometimes I wish one or more of my cats would like to ride in the car with me. I want one of my cats to be like a dog, to like following me everywhere. To go on walks. Because I am lonely. I may be turning into the cat lady again. I talk to them about nonsense. I spoil them rotten. I let two of them trap me into sleeping for almost three extra hours today.
I also contemplate my next birthday alone, much like my first birthday here, where no one but me knew that I was one year older.
I think this year, I will treat myself to a nice dinner somewhere and play video games all day. Or maybe buy a new outfit.
Part of the problem with aging is that your birthday gets less important, or is supposed to. But for me, I still get the little thrill of turning the calendar over to November, knowing that my birthday will be here in a few weeks. But now that I’m older, it’s not supposed to be a big deal. There might come a point where I no longer want to admit my age. I certainly regret the passing of some of the years.
But I’m always grateful to look back at myself and know that I’m growing in wisdom and experience. As long as I can keep growing, learning and exploring, I’m never going to be old.
Antisocial, but not old.
