Similar = genuine imitation faux
I don’t like shopping. I don’t like people. Therefore one can accurately predict that I will not like shopping at a discount and seconds store on Sunday. And that I will like it even less when said store, dd’s Discounts, is next to the 99 cent store.
My first clue about hell was the parking lot, which I had to circle several times like it was Christmas Eve at Wal-Mart. The empty parking spaces I could find were full of broken glass.
Two security guards inside the store and a bunch of people with shitty kids running amok. Yes, happy happy day for me.
I was shopping for new sheets. I’m getting a new bed tomorrow, and dammit, I wanted to splurge on sheets. Discount sheets.
A woman came into the narrow aisle behind me and I sighed and tried to let her pass. But alas, she was staying. With her three shitty kids, including the one that screamed inexplicably four or five times. I think that’s when my migraine started today.
The short end to this story is that I pawed through the disorganized selection of sheets and didn’t spend as much time as I would like because this woman with her kids and shopping cart kept inching into me. I decided to take a quick look at the clothes and then circle back to see if she was gone yet. She was not.
But there was a bright spot to this part of my expedition.
The knock-off Snuggie.
What, you say? The Snuggie isn’t cheesy enough?
Well, for the low low price of $5.99, you can have the Cuddle Up TV blanket, which is “similar to seen on TV.”
Not seen on TV.
Reminds me of Are You Being Served, where the staff would often sell genuine faux mock leatherette gloves or the like.
I don’t know what the full price of the Cuddle Up is, but the Snuggie is now offered in stores at a low, low price of $14.99, as seen at Target, complete with the handy reading light.
I bookended my shopping trip neatly with a much more pleasant trip to Target in another part of town, as I bought too-expensive sheets and passed up yet another chance for a Snuggie.
Looks like they spent the big bucks designing their packaging.
I want a Snuggie. I’m not joking. I continually get made fun of for wanting one, but I have even wanted one before they became a joke.
It looks like the Cuddle Up might have a hood. I don’t know if the Snuggie does. But I am certain that I will accept no substitutions for the Snuggie.
So if you were wondering what to get me for my birthday or Christmas: the answer is a Snuggie. Genuine, and not similar to. And no animal print, please. That’s just tacky.
This is truly a wonderful find. The “kinda sorta like the real thing you saw on TV” is icing on the cake. I still wonder if it has three sleeves or something, though.
You know by posting your Christmas list here, you might just end up with enough Snuggies for your entire family. Shopping can be stressful during busy times. That’s one of the reasons we try to have all our shopping done before Thanksgiving, so we don’t have to step foot in a store in December.
Well, if I do end up with more than one, that just means I’ll hopefully have them in multiple colors. But for the record, I’d like the camel colored one first.
I actually won’t be doing much Christmas shopping, on a serious note. I’m still underemployed, so I can’t afford much. I am certain my family knows I can’t buy them anything, so that really only leaves one person to buy for, and we are accustomed to being fairly frugal on that front, if necessary.
But even if I were shopping extensively for Christmas, I have a firm rule about not doing it before Thanksgiving. I hate crowds, but I hate the three month shopping season even more.
There’s no point in Christmas shopping without the Christmas crowds. What is Christmas without beating other shoppers to a pulp for that last 70% off leather jacket? Seriously, that’s the only thing that gets me in the holiday mood.
You ladies are crazy. I never would have taken you two for the type who likes the push and shove of the holiday crowds. What’s worse, feeling like your violating all standards of decency by Christmas shopping in early November, or being crushed in a stampede of Christmas shoppers trying to get that special edition Gameboy at Wal-Mart on Black Friday?
No, no… Don’t lump me in as a person who likes crowds.
I hate crowds. I hate holiday shoppers. So sometimes I avoid it entirely by shopping mostly online. And because I used to work nights, it’s easier to try to find a time during the day when people *should* be working instead of shopping. Much harder to do the closer it gets to Christmas, though.
I will say that because I just ruined our blender, I may be forced to go buy a blender on Black Friday. I don’t even like Black Friday. And when I do go, I end up buying stuff for myself and not for other people, which defeats the purpose.
Well, that’s why you don’t shop in early November, because the crowds aren’t so great yet. I generally refuse to do Christmas shopping before Black Friday.
The thing for me is, I hate that flowery “help mankind” crap for Christmas. (Clarification: I like to help mankind as much as the next guy. I volunteer and donate and do those sorts of things. But that is independent of Christmas. Other people need to stop pretending that’s what Christmas means to them, too.) That isn’t Christmas for most Americans. The outward manifestation of Christmas is pure commercialism and panic. And nothing can get me quite in the mood better than beating old women over the head with their handbags. It’s like playing football — there are few other instances where rudeness and ruthless planning are rewarded and expected. With that said, though, there is a sweet spot in shopping. I’d put it from Black Friday to about four days before Christmas. After about Dec. 21, the crowds just get desperate and mean. That, and about three weeks of beating people to a pulp is about enough Christmas spirit for me to handle for the year.
Perhaps this is merely the byproduct of working too many Christmas seasons (9, I believe) in retail.
Christmas is best spent at home with loved ones, good food, video games, a thoughtful gift or two, and football. But you can’t properly appreciate it without first tearing off some wigs and elbowing children.
I’ve never actually see you be as vicious as you claim to be.
Also, despite your claim of not liking animals — and animals not liking you — I notice how well you co-exist with three cats. Those cats, especially D, love you.
All talk!
Cats. Good idea. Maybe I need to take Data to Macy’s on Black Friday…
Well, he will help you beat all those greedy women. Just let him do his one/two lick-bite combination.
On a less hyperbolic level, though, it is hard for me to get in the Christmas spirit without fighting the crowds. There’s something about the initial adrenaline rush that gets me in the mood to fight for the gifts I’ll buy that year.
There is something intoxicating about combining sleep-deprivation with outrageous deals and long lines, I agree.
Snuggie FTW!