The Junk Drawer

I love odd news stories.  Here’s one from Salt Lake City:

Fire Breaks Out at Salt Lake Crematorium

A dead man had one final earthly act before moving on.

Fire officials said the six-hundred pound man was in being cremated when his body fluids were too much for the oven.

The body fluids seeped out onto the floor and ignited causing a fire at the Garner Funeral Home in Salt Lake City.

“Those fluids can be very flammable,” said Scott Freitag of the Salt Lake City fire department. “Sort of like a grease fire.”

An employee used an extinguisher to put out the fire.

The room is self-contained and has its own drainage system.

“There really is no risk or a hazard of it getting into the sewer system, the water system or into the general public,” said Freitag.

Firefighters rarely see these kind of fires.

But they say a six-hundred-pound body can create problems during a cremation.

“It really does condense or breaks down that fat into a greasy product, just like a grease fire,” said Freitag. “Only a little bit can cause a flame to go up.”

The crematorium is back in business and the funeral director said they’ll notify the family to assure them their loved one wasn’t harmed.

That last paragraph is almost as good as a punchline:  “…the funeral director said they’ll notify the family to assure them their loved one wasn’t harmed.”

Um.  He’s dead.  And his body was in the process of being burnt to ashes.  How exactly does one define “harm” in this instance?

The subject line of a spam email I received today:

“Now I can penetrate hardly and give the pleasure to every woman.”

Obviously this was written by a non-native English-speaking spam bot.  Penetrating hardly is hardly a ringing endorsement for the product.  But at least he can give the pleasure to every woman.  The pleasure of what, I’m not sure.  The pleasure of criticizing how he is hardly penetrating, perhaps.

Ah, the joys of cooking with spam.

How to keep your office mates from pestering you: eat a bowl of spicy kung pao for lunch, chased down by diet Pepsi.  Have a snack bag of Spicy Nacho Doritos for dessert. I guarantee people will leave you alone.

Because this blog is so dead, I had to write this.