A Pilgrim’s Digression

Did you ever have a dream in which you are watching TV, and that is the entirety of the dream? Last night, I dreamed I was watching SpongeBob Squarepants. In the episode in question, SpongeBob was mating. The depiction of the actual mating process, however, resembled those clinical videos from Sex-Ed class depicting a sperm mating with an egg. It appeared to be a microscopic, real-time view of how new spongiform life is produced.

Apparently, in the dream I have become the soul mate of L. Brent Bozell, because I thought to myself, “This is disgusting! Nickelodeon is showing this to small children?”

This dream has its origins in a couple places. First, on Thursday last week, in a highly intellectual discussion with a co-worker, he mentioned that he had seen an interview with SpongeBob’s creator. It turns out, SpongeBob’s creator is a marine biologist whose only response to the charge of homosexuality levelled against SpongeBob is that he based his character on actual sea sponges, which are asexual.

Another possible source for the dream, in the episode “Wormy” (I think), the cartoon opens with SpongeBob watching TV. He is grinning and on the edge of his seat, his eyes large and unblinking. On the TV is un-animated video of an anemone waving in the sea current. When his pet snail Gary wanders in and startles him with his familiar “meow,” SpongeBob jumps, quickly changes the channel, and says, “Gary! I was just looking for the sports channel.” The implication is that the dancing anemone is what passes for an erotic movie in SpongeBob’s world. It’s a very subtle joke, one that no child would understand, but it is a funny gag I think.

What worries me about the dream is my apparent prudishness. It may stem from the fact that my wife and I have been trying to limit Brendan’s exposure to SpongeBob, which has become an entrancing cartoon for him. He loves that cartoon, and so do we for that matter. What I mean is, when he watches it, he no longer plays with his toys while the program runs in the background. He is literally in a kind of dazed trance as he watches. It can be disconcerting to have your child sitting there hypnotized by the TV, unresponsive to your voice until you shake him.

It can also be disconcerting, or cute depending on your point of view, to hear your child burst out with an awe-struck “David Hasselhoff!” at odd moments.

If you have not seen the SpongeBob movie, you won’t get that last joke.