Rented Space, Chapters 1-7
5.
After making love, Carolyn lay awake for probably a half hour. She talked to her husband who, after an initial effort at post-coital conversation, occasionally grunted from the edges of sleep.
�I just get this feeling like he�s vaguely insulting me constantly, but I can never quite pin it down. Just when I think he�s really being mean, a more pleasant expression crosses his face, or he says something else, and I dismiss it. He�s just a strange one, that�s all. He�s just a poet. Even Conservative poets are eccentric, right?�
�…ugggh.�
�I think tomorrow I�m going to show him my poems.�
�…ugggh.�
�You don�t think it�s a good idea? Thomas? Wake up. You don�t think it�s a good idea?�
�…what?�
�Showing him my poems, you don�t think it�s a good idea?�
�Might consider it an imposition��
�Why would he consider it an imposition? It wouldn�t take him long just to look at them and offer some advice, or praise. I�m hurt that you think it�s a bad idea. I think it�s a great idea.�
�…probably right, it�s a great idea. I�m wrong.�
�I don�t know, now you�ve got me doubting. But all this time I�ve been writing these poems, this could be my chance, don�t you think?�
�…ugggh.�
�I think so.�
In the ensuing pause, Carolyn felt herself drifting off to sleep. The stirring of the baby in its crib across the room woke her. Liza did not wake up, however. Beside her, Thomas breathed deeply. He was sound asleep.
…if I were to show him what said he would O my Mrs. Poole what great pomms you have and if I said he said well the better to recommend them then my dear odd that he should be alone man like that even wonder is he no not even another man bald egg and bad eyes not even another man but maybe if in the dark or those places men go so lonely ejaculations little hole in the wall place can�t imagine under him so glad so glad
but if I were to show him and if he were to say magic words unrecognized genius what then every woman has her fantasies like in that book Thomas kept in the bathroom cabinet what was it what was it oh dear by that woman what who was it Miss Nancy Saturday Night and all day Sunday what was that damned title The Secret Garden that�s it full of smutty fantasies supposedly by women they were wrote it for the men I think keep it in the bathroom where it belongs but I read it too oh and that one about that and that other one the woman and the german shepherd Woman�s Best Friend it was called couldn�t help but read like looking at a car accident phew getting hot again wonder if should I wake no he won�t wake already got his did he thinks I don�t know he keeps it in the basement now lightbulb out upstairs going down to look for a lightbulb just be a moment finding that spare lightbulb yeah think we�re their mothers wants me to be shocked if I catch him why Thomas what�s that in your hand lightbulb my fat ass have to keep something secret else goes the excitement suppose well let him I don�t care a Springsteen too she�ll let you in her mouth ah now there�s a one oh can I climb under you Mr. Overhill and now I�m Mrs. Underhill plow me up boss why thoughts these why thinking late it is late no early must be nearly four listen listen look light starting no just the street can�t tell the light by the time is that the baby no just turning over sleeps so sound blessed baby blessed mama never hardly had to get up with her blessed baby
if I were thinner we�d go to the beach like when I was little girl take Liza and Sarah remember that do Timmy always all the way through Thomas said that time I only been to the beach once in nineteen hundred and so doesn�t miss it but I miss it miss thin miss youth but only some of it miss no don�t miss Richard I remember always fall in love for a week then leave him and even if you see him next year too no love there anymore Richard will you touch it just touch it wasted a week on him then the last day he oh forget it Thomas met wiped away all old but I still remember think sometimes wonder who he thinks about Carrie or Sherry was it Carrie I think always had a crush on Carrie Fisher maybe that�s why he fell for Carrie again thinks I don�t know or Tammy yes thinks he pulled that one behind my back too when we were dating but I know funny I don�t feel much about it even kind of makes me hot to think of him touching her breasts Tammy of the multi-colored hair and piercings so young he was thinner too I always liked to just look at his butt now his pants are too big but he�s still got it when he�s naked wonder why she didn�t go for him more always wonder that wonder if there was something bad she saw I didn�t if he did that thing with his tongue and she laughed like I want to sometimes God like someone let the dog in the room Woman�s Best Friend but it said to spell the ABCs with my tongue what nonsense some fag thought of that I�ll bet never been with a woman shouldn�t say fag but they say it if the time is right why this thinking these thoughts ever my thoughts return to thee O sex I must be strange made that way only men think about sex
if I were to show him and if he were to say the magic words and the dream no more a dream what would I do this life what would it change nothing I think so why Thomas said my poems were what most impressed me about you so what more poetry I write for me my husband my children no need more what would he say anyway impressive Madam quite impressive while sneering inside oh yes I�m on to you don�t know what you�re playing at yet but I�ll figure it out if you give me time if the world if the word if time if…
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Wow. I really liked this.
The internal dialogue of the bitter poet. The vague taunting. Fabulous. And the woman as she goes to sleep.
Comment by Mel B. — Thursday, 28 April 2005 @ 1:45 am
I’m glad you liked it. I’m really enjoying it quite a bit myself. I feel guilty that I have abandoned the World War II story, even if temporarily. I don’t know if that is frustrating to people, or if no one is reading and so no one really cares. Or maybe trying to read fiction on-line and in blog format, no less, is just such a bad experience, people give up after a brief bit of trying to read.
Comment by Matthew — Saturday, 30 April 2005 @ 3:31 pm
This is very good. The crabby old sob is well-drawn. I don’t think I could read a novel full of him and no positive characters. But he is a wonderful character sketch. The woman and the Joycean monologue at the end is nice, too. I bet you have been wanting to do such a monologue for a very long time now, too….She might be your positive character. Or maybe the sob changes? Something interesting could happen between them that’s for sure. Poetry, yes. Maybe its good, too. Or, maybe, they end up in bed. I can see that happening as well. Or maybe I just want to be titillated (rather than tot-illated, of you follow me)
Again, I think you set the stage for something that I do want to continue reading. But will you add onto this? How far will you go….?
Comment by Todd — Monday, 2 May 2005 @ 6:17 pm
What, you don’t think Crabbe’s a positive character? I think he has a lot of redeeming characteristics.
You’ve hit on the direction I’m heading, I think, in at least one of your predictions. As far as I can tell at this point, they don’t end up in bed, however. Sorry to disappoint. You want titillation, go read Nin’s “Delta of Venus.”
Comment by Matthew — Tuesday, 3 May 2005 @ 6:57 am
FINALLY I sit still long enough to read your fiction (E’s sleeping on my left arm) and I’m not disappointed.
Crabbe makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable in the same way he does Mrs. Poole. He’s a cramped character, trapped within himself. That you don’t mention he’s Poet Laureate until later on is great, setting me up to see him as this nobody there’s no reason for me to like and then letting me have this sudden sense of him as an exalted individual allows for quite a laugh. Lots of subtle humor in this piece with opportunities for more.
What I most want to see? Interactions with the children. Maybe he could be asked to read them a bedtime story, given his literary status and all.
Comment by Dawn — Tuesday, 3 May 2005 @ 7:50 am
Oh, and who Edwards is. I’m curious about that too.
Comment by Dawn — Tuesday, 3 May 2005 @ 7:51 am
He reads them a bedtime story in chapter four/page four. That’s a particularly favorite scene of mine. I think there will be more interaction with the children, but especially with Mrs. Poole. She has become the “positive character,” as Todd says. I am introducing another character in the chapters I’m working on now who I think people will find likable as well. Crabbe is going to have lunch with the Librarian of Congress.
Edwards is my Macintosh, viz. the “Hades” chapter of Ulysses. Just a hint
Comment by Matthew — Tuesday, 3 May 2005 @ 8:03 am
Well, at last I recognized (with Todd’s prompting) the subsequent chapters. Sorry about that.
The book reading scene is probably my favorite. And I must say that, while Blueberries for Sal has always been a personal favorite, your poking fun at it through Crabbe’s perspective is quite nice. Crabbe’s pinching the little girl is also a nice touch.
I have a couple thoughts about areas that struck me as a bit inconsistent, but think I should hold off until I read more. Seems too soon to suggest revisions when you’re probably still feeling your way through your approach to this piece.
I will say that Crabbe is unremittingly awful, especially when you present his internal thoughts (reminds me in some ways of my Uncle Norman who has a penchant for writing mean verse about people he doesn’t like). Just a flat-out nasty human being.
Comment by Dawn — Tuesday, 3 May 2005 @ 10:04 pm
Good chapter 6….I’m waiting for more, MORE PLEASE
Comment by Todd — Wednesday, 4 May 2005 @ 9:04 pm
Not only am I behind in reading your blog, but you snuck a chapter of your fiction in there without warning.
Gotta say I never made it all the way through Ulysses and have no interest in trying again. So I won’t get all the Ulysses hints.
Anyway, Crabbe is such an unpleasant character, and despite that, I keep reading and want more. I like his nasty, internal dialogue. I almost hope that something unpleasant happens to him to make him deserve his misery. My favorite Doctor Who character, Tom Baker, wrote a book called The Boy Who Kicked Pigs. It starts off by saying something about it being a lovely day, about Robert Cagliari being a horrid child, and this is the day that he would die.
And you learn that he would deserve it.
I like his email, with a wink to the reader, that says that if he were in a terrible sitcom, he’d be the old curmudgeon who has been softened by a love interest.
Comment by Mel B. — Thursday, 12 May 2005 @ 1:00 am
The bad guys are always easier to write. And I wonder, too, is he really so terrible? He lies, he would steal a croissant from a Starbucks, he thinks bad thoughts of small children…I don’t know that he is really so different from the rest of humanity. Maybe it’s that he is consistently bad that separates him from most of us. I really, really enjoy writing about him, though.
That Tom Baker book sounds interesting, but a little odd for a children’s book. Is a child ever so “horrid” that he deserves death?
There aren’t a lot of Ulysses references in this story, at least I don’t think so. Maybe I’ve unconsciously inserted a few, however. Ulysses has been the most influential book I’ve ever read.
Comment by Matthew — Thursday, 12 May 2005 @ 7:11 am
The children’s book is a bit odd, and it is uncomfortable to read at first. You don’t think a child would deserve to die… But then, you never thought little Anakin Skywalker of Episode I would ever turn into Darth Vader, either.
I haven’t read the Lemony Snickett (sp?) A Series of Unfortunate Events series, but those sound to be downers too.
Maybe it’s important to have a few downers. And I think Tom Baker intended his book to be a play on an old morality tale, much the same way the Lemony Snickett series is intended, or so I understand.
Anyway, your guy is pretty darned unpleasant. I don’t wish for humanity at this point for him. That would be giving in, too out of character, anyway.
Yes, we all do think bad thoughts. I have a few of them myself, but I’d like to think that I’m not consistently the most miserable person on the planet like Crabbe. (Though I suppose to be a poet laureate, and of the sort that got him chosen by the librarian, you have to have lots of pain. Unlike Mrs. Bush’s suggestion.)
But I’m interested to see where your imagination takes him.
Comment by Mel B. — Saturday, 14 May 2005 @ 1:56 pm