Twelve Joys of Returning from Vacation
1. All the papers left lying on my office chair by thoughtful co-workers.
2. A huge box of string I did not request left in my office doorway.
3. An afternoon spent finding out who left the box of string, and why.
4. Fifty to a hundred emails littering my inbox, most of which I can delete with barely a glance.
5. Three emails reminding me to pay my share of the office water cooler bill. I owe $5.75. Sorry, but I never create one of those auto emails that tell everyone on every office listserv that “I am on vacation and will return on the xxth.” I hate auto-reply. The person who invented auto-reply ought to be drawn and quartered.
6. Heart palpitations and shortness of breath when I discover that I have fifteen voice mail messages. Has it been discovered that I occasionally sign in to work five or even ten minutes earlier than I actually arrive? Or do I have a secret admirer in the office?
7. Discovering that the fifteen voice mails are the result of a lobbying firm having confused my work phone number with the phone number for District of Columbia City Administrator Robert Bobb.
8. Spending half of the first morning back at work figuring out how to find this lobbying firm and make them stop auto-dialing my number.
9. Briefly regretting the end of the excitement of being confused with a High Muckety Muck in D.C. government. Mr. Bobb looks like one kool kat, and who wouldn’t want to be known as Mr. Bob Bobb? What a great name.
10. Discovering that the war is still raging, Bush is still in office, and the Democrats are still in their death throes.
11. Co-worker commenting: “You were on vacation? Gee, I didn’t notice.” Does that mean I could have stayed on vacation another week? How long can one go without showing up for work before anyone notices? Sounds like a gag from Office Space.
12. iPod battery: dead.
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Twelve Joys of Returning from VacationFrom the list of the Joys of Returning From Vacation, number 11:…
Comment by Office Max! — Wednesday, 6 July 2005 @ 1:31 pm
On number 11: all of which suggests that you are not playing your music loudly enough. Get rid of the iPod and plug some Bose speakers into that PC . . .
Comment by Todd — Wednesday, 6 July 2005 @ 3:22 pm
Bose actually makes a speaker dock for the iPod called the SoundDock, but it’s too expensive for my wallet. Anyway, I work in a very quiet place. One of my colleagues was sleeping under his desk one afternoon at lunch, and no one would have known except that he began snoring. I wouldn’t want to disturb any sleepers with music.
Comment by Matthew — Wednesday, 6 July 2005 @ 3:28 pm
But every now and then, you might want to assert your presence: drop a stack of papers, or accidentally erase someone’s afs space. Something to remind them that you are THERE
Comment by Todd — Wednesday, 6 July 2005 @ 5:00 pm
I’m exaggerating the degree to which my vacation went unnoticed. However, why would I want to assert my presence? I’m like Bartleby the Scrivener: I’d prefer not. Actually, I think the better comparison is to Akakii Akakievich from Gogol’s short story “The Overcoat,” which happens to be my very favorite short story. The Russians really knew how to write about government functionaries and clerks.
Comment by Matthew — Wednesday, 6 July 2005 @ 5:07 pm
That is one story I badly need to read. Everyone seems to cite it for some reason. Are we to get an update with pictures of your fishing trip?
Comment by Todd — Wednesday, 6 July 2005 @ 5:42 pm
I plan to write about my vacation. I’m not a good photographer, however, so I don’t know about posting any pictures. I might post one of me holding a fish, if I can find one in which I don’t look too fat or grubby.
Gogol’s “Dead Souls” is one of my favorite novels. He never completed it, of course, which only endears the book to me more. I like unfinished things. It makes me feel better about my own work.
Comment by Matthew — Thursday, 7 July 2005 @ 6:42 am
Welcome home.
I’m a lover of unfinished works as well. And of thinkers and writers who couldn’t publish too, like Wittgenstein, who published only one book furing his lifetime–which he renounced not too long thereafter.
Comment by Scrivener — Thursday, 7 July 2005 @ 2:04 pm
Yeah, I’m fond of works which the author him/herself disliked or disowned. Authors always seem to be mistaken about what they consider their masterpiece
Joyce and “Finnegans Wake” comes to mind.
Comment by Matthew — Thursday, 7 July 2005 @ 2:08 pm
Isn’t it just great to be back at the office?!?!?! It almost makes one regret going on vacation, as it can take a week or two just to get caught up. . .
I hope you had a great time and I cannot wait to hear about your vacation.
Comment by Brandi — Thursday, 7 July 2005 @ 4:46 pm
My favorite part about coming back is the e-mail. It’s a game, actually, to guess how many e-mails I will have, and out of that, how many are actually useful to me. Three, usually.
Btw, please share your photos. Your photos are an important part of telling the story!
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Comment by Alaska Joes Fishing Trips — Thursday, 26 January 2006 @ 1:20 pm