What’s in a name
When I was growing up, I always hated my last name. It was odd; it was different from all of the names of my classmates. People were always misspelling it or mispronouncing it. To this day, when I spell my name for people I have to spell it two or three times before they get it right.
McCready. McGrady. McCrudy. McCurdy. McCravy (and it’s variant, McGravy).
These are just a few of the ways I’ve seen it spelled over the years.
McCrappy was the nickname my Middle School torturters assigned to me.
For awhile I went through a phase in which I rationalized that my name was “unique” rather than odd, “steeped in Scotch-Irish tradition” rather than different. But since then, I’ve done some on-line research and discovered that isn’t true, either. My name is not listed in any book of Scottish or Irish surnames; the closest parallel is the name McCready, from which my family name might be a derivation.
Furthermore, it turns out there are lots of us all over the United States, and we probably aren’t related at all. There’s a Depression-era Louisiana artist with my last name, but I don’t think he is a relative, though he has the same name as one of my Grandpa’s brothers. An example of his artwork can be viewed at the American Memory website.
So much for the uniqueness factor.
Even so, I always feel considerable sympathy with people with unfortunate last names. I also feel a bit relieved to know it could have been worse. How would you like to have the surname Hooker?
Yes, Hooker is the name of a Union General, Joseph Hooker. Unfortunately, he also gave his name to the prostitutes who followed his men on their long bivouacs. At the rural Virginia High School where my wife and I used to work, we knew another female teacher who married a Hooker.
She was an intelligent, urbane young woman from up north, but as so often happens when single women move into remote, rural areas she married because she was tired of being single. At least that’s what my wife and I believe. She didn’t seem a good fit for her husband. She was well-educated and from a northern city; he was deeply southern and worked as a groom in a stables and as a groundskeeper on a golf course. Mrs. Hooker had a good sense of humor about her name, however. She told us she tried to have the word “Hookers” as her vanity license plate, but the DMV questioned the propriety of it. They said they would get complaints from people who thought the license plate advertised a service.
If you were a woman, would you have second thoughts before marrying a man with a last name like Hooker? Or Cuntz? Or Dick? Or (God forbid) Dildo? Or some other sexually suggestive name? Would the last name of your beloved stop you from marrying him, or would you marry him but insist on keeping your maiden name?
Speaking of weddings, one of my favorite “Tonight Show” features are the real headlines that result in double entendres. I particularly like it when Jay reads one of those wedding announcements in a local paper that has resulted in an odd juxtaposition of names: the Bender Knuckles wedding, or the White Gerl wedding, or the Dugger Bush wedding…
But what if your last name was Wiener? I know a man with the last name of Wiener. He insists people pronounce it “Whiner,” which doesn’t sound much better in my opinion. If there was ever cause for a name change, I think that would be it. I can’t imagine sending my son to school with the last name Wiener. It would be like sending him out into moving traffic or something. It’s asking for a whupping, don’t you think? Might as well throw the poor kid a coming out party when he’s six, because if he’s not gay already, by the time he’s done with school he’ll think he is from all the humiliation he has had to endure.
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I knew a kid with the last name of Butts. And always, always wondered why you’d name a kid Richard, but then call him Dick.
And on my last name front…it’s spelled any way but the right name, same with trying to say it. I don’t think I have a speech impediment but half the time people think I’m saying Reese too. Usually, I just spell my last name anytime someone wants it, and it’s *still* guaranteed to be wrong.
I always thought that I’d be glad to get married, and get married to a Smith or Jones, so I could get rid of my name.
But these days, I’m attached to my name, and I doubt I’d get rid of it, or even hyphenate it. Unless the person I ended up with really was a Smith. I don’t think you can pronounce or spell that incorrectly unless you’re an idiot.
And then to get offtrack on first names… you know if people name their kids with stuff that’s not spelled conventionally, that creates a whole world of trouble. My father and brother are Jon, which guarantees that both of their names will be spelled wrong. My sister-in-law named their first two children in oddly-spelled ways. Pretty much guarantees that your kindergarten teacher isn’t going to get it right, or anyone else down the road. Who’d guess Caleb is spelled Kalob?
Comment by Mel B. — Wednesday, 24 August 2005 @ 2:12 pm
Dick Butts. Ouch! Sounds like a mass murderer in the making, or an R. Crumb character.
First names are important, too. My son is always going to be plagued with people calling him by the more common name “Brandon.” Sometimes these things don’t occur to you when you name a kid. But you’d think someone with the last name Butts would be a bit more careful.
Comment by Matthew — Wednesday, 24 August 2005 @ 2:20 pm
Actually, he was Jimmy. Just making a remark on Dick.
My dad sometimes calls my nephew Brendan Brandon, and he should know better.
Comment by Mel B. — Wednesday, 24 August 2005 @ 6:32 pm
Todd’s mom slips up and says “Brandon” too when referring to your son. Elliot will probably get teased for his ET initials, but we had to have ET if we wanted ETC as his full initials, which I still think is a clever monogram (is that the right word?) to have. People misspell his name, though, usually by using two Ts instead of one. Perhaps that’s more common and we should have gone with that instead.
My parents wanted names that couldn’t be shortened into nicknames, or names that would lend themselves to teasing. Can’t to a whole lot with Linda and Dawn… ‘cept for the whole “crack of dawn” thing which I got once in awhile.
Comment by Dawn — Wednesday, 24 August 2005 @ 9:30 pm
Speaking from my wealth of experience with the way kids tease each other, I think what you are more likely to see is that bullys will feminize his name, calling him “Ellie.” I’m not sure kids these days know who or what E.T. was. I don’t think that movie has seeped into the collective unconscious the way others have. None of the children I know have even seen that movie.
Comment by Matthew — Thursday, 25 August 2005 @ 7:13 am
Its all in a name isn’t it…i heard of a guy once who was from India and moved to NZ who’s name was Athel Anal. I do believe he changed his name. I have a huge difficulty with my name too. Interestingly, its really common in New Zealand and no one has ever heard of it here in the US (its Bronwen). I often get mail addressed to Mr. Bronwen Joyner. The unusual name combined with an accent people frequently can’t get, just totally scews people. Often when i’m in placing orders for stuff i just give my middle name Anne, because its just not worth the effort. Having said that, I think besides those particularly bad names, every kid is going to be teased and I like slightly unusual names.
Comment by Bronwen — Friday, 26 August 2005 @ 9:54 am
You’re right; teasing is probably inevitable. Kids looks for any slight variation or difference and then pick on that kid. You probably know the novel “The Painted Bird.” Well, the title comes from the fact that if you take a crow and vary it’s color even a little with a bit of paint, the other crows will kill it because it is different.
Comment by Matthew — Friday, 26 August 2005 @ 10:15 am
I think my name has only been misspelled a handful of times (but on those occasions the person deserved a beating. Spelling my name wrong gets you a top spot on the idiot scale). More often these days I get the, “Like the actress?” “Yes.” *Stupid chuckle* “Well, you don’t look like her!”
Comment by Heather — Sunday, 28 August 2005 @ 2:57 am
K McCurdy is Irish, I have the pic of the coat of arms and my great grandma was irish and came to the US from Ireland. Her last name was McCurdy. And I adore it!!!!!
Comment by Tammy — Saturday, 14 July 2007 @ 7:04 pm
Haha, my last name is Butts so I know a thing or two about this subject. The teasing stops after about 2nd or 3rd grade. Unless you’re like my grandpa whose name happens to be Harry Enos Butts. Then, the teasing carries on and on for ever.
Comment by jenn — Wednesday, 25 July 2007 @ 12:03 pm
Oh wow, that has to be the most unfortunate name I have heard: Harry Butts. What were his parents thinking?!
Comment by greypilgrim — Wednesday, 25 July 2007 @ 12:18 pm
wat is this rerally about
Comment by Erica — Friday, 7 November 2008 @ 10:54 am