A Pilgrim’s Digression

There has always been a little of the obsessive/compulsive about me, and if anything it was more pronounced when I was a kid. Perhaps this mental disorder explains why Christmas meant so much to me back then.

Christmas is perhaps the only time of year when ritualistic behavior, repetition of speech patterns, and following routines are not only common, but accepted. At Christmas, one can engage in all manner of comforting behaviors in the name of “tradition.”

Decorating the tree allowed me to obsesses over placement of specific ornaments, some of which had emotional meaning to me because they had hung on our tree since I was very small (which hadn’t been very long, but that’s not the point). And on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, the gathering of family, opening of presents, and other activities had to follow a certain pattern that I believed had always been part of our Christmas, or else I felt the holiday was losing its meaning. For example, I not only helped my Mom decorate our house, but I insisted that my Grandma not do any decorating until I was there to assist. I wanted to make sure everything was in the same place and order in the Great Chain of Being as it had been the year before.

Eventually, Christmas lost its meaning for me despite my best efforts to keep it unchanging. There’s a passage at the end of Chris Van Allsburg’s book The Polar Express in which the boy says that the bell he took from Santa’s sleigh, representing the spirit of Christmas, still rings for him. The bell hasn’t rung for me in a long time.

I’d just as soon skip Christmas, these days.

Therefore in the spirit of the pre-heart-engorgement Grinch, let me give you my top ten list of things I won’t miss about Christmas.

10. Christmas travel.
9. Commercials touting diamonds and Lexus automobiles as the ideal gifts for a woman.
8. Commercials touting “scratchers” (lottery tickets) as the ideal gift for everyone.
7. Eggnog (yuck!).
6. Crowds a-shopping.
5. That person in the office who wears a Santa hat to work every day ’til Christmas.
4. Commercials touting carpet as the ideal gift for Christmas. [I kid you not: I saw a commercial for a carpet warehouse last night, and the pitch was "Give your home the gift of carpet this year."]
3. That dreadful poem about a soldier’s “night before Christmas .” It’s always sent as an email-forward by some friend who never writes, but forwards endlessly.
2. Salvation Army bell ringers giving me the evil eye.
1. O’Reilly and “The War on Christmas” bullshit.