A Napoleon Sighting
I have seen Napoleon Dynamite. Or at least a close relative.
Today on the train, I sat across from a young man of about twenty who could have been the tater tot-loving, tether ball-playing Mr. Dynamite. He was scrawny and goofy looking with wild, curly brown hair. He wore a blue sweatshirt on which a band of happy teddy bears played musical instruments in a forest. Over top of the sweatshirt, he wore a yellow rain slicker.
Around his neck hung a Government id on a lanyard that said “I [Heart] Jesus.” I could not see what agency he works for, but I immediately thought: “He’s a plain clothes Federal Marshall and this Jesus Freak routine is his cover. He’s actually armed with a .9mm sidearm under his rain coat, ready to shoot any suspected suicide bombers before they can blow up the train.”
In his lap, Special Agent Dynamite was holding an enormous Bible, indexed with homemade thumb tabs down the side. The Bible looked like one of those large, family-size coffee table Bibles sold primarily to people who think contraception is contrary to God’s will. And it was contained within a large, cloth zipper case the size of some people’s carry-on luggage.
On top of the Bible was a book of Biblical crossword puzzles open to the second or third puzzle. As he attempted to complete the puzzle, the little Napoleon would refer to the Bible, leaning so close to the text I thought for a moment he was going to lay his head down upon the book.
And of course, to top off this weird scene, the young zealot was wearing iPod earbuds presumably connected to an iPod in the pocket of his yellow rain slicker.
What music do you suppose he was listening to?
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How about “Veggie Tales: The Complete Silly Song Collection”?
Incidentally, it looks like I may be hosting a showing of Napoleon Dynamite here on campus as part of what is known as Arts on the Quad. It should be fun, or memorable at any rate.
Comment by Todd — Tuesday, 14 March 2006 @ 10:13 am
This guy didn’t look like a “silly” person. He seemed very earnest, to me. “Napoleon Dynamite” is a fun film, and visually itneresting, too. It seems to be set in the eighties, but other indications are that it is set in our time, or close to it. Not sure what the director is doing there.
McFarlane Toys has produced a whole line of action figures based on the film, which I’d love to own for my toy collection. Especially the “Uncle Rico Steak Toss” figure.
Comment by Matthew — Tuesday, 14 March 2006 @ 10:18 am
They’re always earnest. Until they’re not. My vote: Vintage Ozzy.
Nah, i suppose I should leave the kid alone. At least he feels strongly enough about something to devote his life to it. I wonder how he’ll weather his 20s, if growing older will alter his worldview at all. Of course, I’m making some assumptions here. But he’s the one wearing his religion nearly literally on his sleeve.
Comment by Heather — Tuesday, 14 March 2006 @ 4:40 pm
I was thinking more vintage Cristy Lane, rather than vintage Ozzy!
I’ve been reliving the eighties lately. I’m writing a story set in 1983. I’m listening to my eighties playlist on my iPod, a playlist 170 songs in length. And now I’ve just remembered that practically any hour of the day during 1983, you could turn on TBS and see an advertisement for Cristy Lane’s greatest hits. I don’t believe she ever sold an album in a music store or department store. She was only marketed on TV.
Comment by Matthew — Tuesday, 14 March 2006 @ 4:49 pm
I read her biography
Comment by Todd — Tuesday, 14 March 2006 @ 11:07 pm
I love the description of that guy.
If it wasn’t for the earnest study of the Bible with his puzzle, I’d think he was trying to be funny.
But I’m much more attracted to the idea that he’s undercover.
Comment by Mel B. — Wednesday, 15 March 2006 @ 1:57 am
Ha! You’re kidding about reading Cristy Lane’s bio, right?
At first, I also thought he was one of these hip young people who dress retro and act wierd. However, after observing him for awhile, I decided he is either for real or a Federal Marshall. The sweatshirt with teddy bears on it was just too disturbing. I don’t think even a counter-cultural college student would wear something that tacky. An undercover marshall might wear it, however.
Comment by Matthew — Wednesday, 15 March 2006 @ 6:35 am
I’m not kidding. I still remember bits and pieces from that bio. I have a strange feeling that it was just sitting around and I, having nothing better to do, opened it up. I find it strange that I would have read something like that as well.
The whole thing with cute animals on t shirts I think goes back to Japanese anime/manga culture.
Comment by Todd — Wednesday, 15 March 2006 @ 8:31 am
These were not Anime bears. They were cute, American teddy bears with musical instruments. The shirt looked to be of eighties vintage. It reminded me of something a girl would have worn back then.
Comment by Matthew — Wednesday, 15 March 2006 @ 9:04 am
Maybe Grateful Dead, then? There’s a whole Grateful Dead thing with colorful teddy bears and instruments.
Though your Napoleon guy doesn’t seem to be the type.
Comment by Mel B. — Friday, 17 March 2006 @ 12:48 pm
Grateful Dead is a possibility. There’s a line in a Don Henley song, “The Boys of Summer,” that goes “Saw a Dead Head sticker on a Cadillac.” I guess in Napoleon’s case, the Dead Head sticker would be on a Buick station wagon beside his fish symbol and another bumper sticker that says “4 nails+ 1 cross = 4given.”
I’m a terrible person to be writing these things. I think I’ve become one of those “mockers” spoken of in Proverbs who is going to burn in Hell for satirizing someone else’s faith.
Comment by Matthew — Saturday, 18 March 2006 @ 8:08 am