A Pilgrim’s Digression

My wife sent me the following article from Fox news, yesterday. New Underwear promises to Ease the Pain of Passing Gas. I’m not sure if she was just being humorous when she sent me this, or if she meant for me to take this under advisement:

Letting loose in public may become less of a social faux pas with a new kind of underwear that promises to keep the air flatulence-free.

“Anti-farty pants” vow to stifle those nasty odors and help gassy individuals “relieve the pain without the shame.”

Under-Tec underwear makers have designed new “gas eater” underpants, an airtight undergarment that helps keep flatulence under wraps, reported Britain’s The Sun newspaper.

The pants have a built in replaceable filter that cuts the smell of bad human gas. Happy customers cited on the Under-Tec Web site include those suffering from Crohn’s Disease and Inflammatory Bowel Syndrome.

Testimonials on the Web site include: “Thank you. You saved my life. I can now go to school without worry” and “They really are working for me, an answer to my prayers because I like to wear them when I go out.”

I don’t know what would be worse, passing gas gradually throughout the day, even at the risk of embarassment, or releasing the gas all at once at night, when you take off those nasty underwear.

I can envision the headlines: “Family of three overcome by toxic fumes.” Or: “Gas explosion levels home when man takes off underwear.”

The Under-tec site is kind of humorous, really. On the right hand side is a picture of an older man and woman in bed. The man is sitting up reading, while the woman’s face is lying on a pillow close by his nether region. The man has a slight smile on his face, as if he just cut one, and yet his wife sleeps on, blissfully unaware.