Gray-haired Geezers
Lynn was getting Brendan ready for school this morning, and as she bent over to help him with his shoes, he began looking intently at her hair.
“Gee, Mom, you’ve got a lot of gray hairs.”
Lynn laughed, “Those are all because of you.”
Brendan replied deadpan, “No, you were old before you had me.”
For the record, I don’t notice her gray hairs at all, though I often hear her swearing at the mirror as she finds yet another. Often I think people’s cosmetic problems are magnified in their own minds by low self-esteem and general fear of aging.
Of course, it would help if our children did not take every opportunity to remind us how old we are.
I’ve been taking Brendan to the park to ride his bicycle on weekends, and a couple weeks ago he got a good laugh at me trying to sit on his bike and peddle around the track. Personally, after the experience of squatting uncomfortably on a tiny bicycle seat for a minute, I think I may not be in need of a vasectomy after all.
After his laughter subsided, Brendan said, “Dad, you can’t ride a bicycle!”
“Why not?” I asked. “Maybe I’ll go to the bike shop and buy one for myself, so you and I can ride together.”
Brendan said, “Dad, you’re too old and fat for a bicycle. You’ll break it!”
I consoled myself that he often confuses the words “fat” and “heavy.” I really think he meant “heavy.” I hope he meant “heavy” anyway.
I can live with “old.” Unlike Lynn, “old” doesn’t bother me so much. I’ve often thought older people get away with more stuff, anyway. If I am old, perhaps I can get away with not mowing the yard by saying, “I’m too tired,” or “Argh, my back aches!”
Seriously, though, I don’t want either one. Fat, old, gray-haired…how could any of that be happening to us? We who were so young and carefree, once.
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Well, everyone’s a geezer to a 6-year-old.
I never really thought that my parents were old, per se, though they were always older than everyone else’s parents. But I do remember not comprehending how life could possibly exist after 25. After 35. An abyss. Enternal nothingness. Surely I’d have plenty of time to get the cool stuff out of the way before approaching the black hole of broken body, frozen-in-time hairdos and complaints of opportunties lost.
Comment by Heather — Wednesday, 9 May 2007 @ 9:30 am
Giggle. Kids have absolutely no tact.
My mom was probably all gray by the time she was 30. Luckily, I have not followed her on that road. Got some grays, but I’m hoping I’ll be like my dad: dark haired at a distance well into my 50s.
I remember my mom insisting on dying her hair after she went to fetch my brother from a friend’s house. The friend’s little sister said, “Is that your grandma?” My mom was always sensitive about her age.
My parents always seemed younger than everyone else’s, though I suppose by today’s standards, they’d be geezers too. They were 23 when they had me.
If I were you, I’d get a bike and prove to Brendan that you’re not too fat or old. Fat is relative, anyway. Little kids are skinny!
Also, he’s probably thinking about a bike his size; kids are so literal. Sure, most adults would be too fat and old for a little kid bike. Not to mention that it wouldn’t be comfortable for those … softer bits.
Comment by Mel B. — Wednesday, 9 May 2007 @ 12:21 pm
Er … dyeing? Still dunno if that’s right.
You know, this edit thing never works for me.
Comment by Mel B. — Wednesday, 9 May 2007 @ 12:23 pm
It is “dyeing.” And you do what exactly at that fancy newspaper?
Yeah, I think he was thinking of me riding a bicycle his size. I have been thinking about getting one. It would be nice to ride one again, after all these years. I hope the seats have improved considerably since I was a kid, though. I don’t think my “softer bits,” as you call them, could take too much squishing against a hard, plastic bicycle seat.
Comment by greypilgrim — Wednesday, 9 May 2007 @ 12:41 pm
Smartass…
But anyway… Bikes!
*You knew I had to weigh in, didn’t you?*
If you do get one, consider a hybrid. Those’ll have big old squishy seats, and even if you don’t like the seat that’s on one, you switch it out to get exactly what you want. Dude, they even have gel seats now.
On hybrids, you ride upright and they’re built more for comfort, but still somewhat efficient on the road. Or so I’m told.
Comment by Heather — Wednesday, 9 May 2007 @ 4:41 pm
Elliot’s already told us we’re old, though he hasn’t attached it to anything physical. As for bikes, I like the concept but the last time I tried riding one a number of years ago, it hurt my knees and butt. Think I’ve been old for awhile…
Comment by Dawn — Monday, 14 May 2007 @ 6:27 am
Old, I think, is always something your parents are. It’s hard to fathom such a huge age difference when you’re young.
My favorite occupation on getting birthday greetings now is to ask my dad how it feels to be the father of someone as old as me. That makes you OLD.
Actually, my dad doesn’t seem old. Old as an adult seems like some nebulous figure beyond my dad’s age. I did get in trouble this year because I thought he was a year older than he actually was. I told him it was payback for all the years he couldn’t keep my and my mother’s birthdays straight.
Comment by Mel B. — Tuesday, 15 May 2007 @ 1:21 am
I”m getting a lot more of those wavy grey hairs above my ears lately. . .
What always irks me about students is how surprised they are that I IM (I let them IM me with questions) or that I know what facebook is. As if they invented instant messaging…
Comment by Todd — Wednesday, 16 May 2007 @ 9:00 pm
At least you have such lush, wavy hair about your ears. Count your blessings.
Also, you are ahead of me in your familiarity with Facebook. I’ve heard of it, but could not explain what it is, or why it’s so important to young people.
As for IM, you are probably the only person I know who IM’s, and it almost seems pointless to even have the application open, as infrequently as we are on simultaneously.
Although I will say, I have used Google chat quite often since moving all my email to Gmail. But as far as using a dedicated IM application, no I don’t do that.
Comment by greypilgrim — Thursday, 17 May 2007 @ 6:06 am
OK, you have a point there. I’m in no danger of going bald any time soon. I have a student–one of our few English majors–who chats with me through gmail frequently. Last semester was the first semester I began using IM with students and I may have had 7 students who took advantage of it. They always seemed to want to chat when I was already meeting with a student though. Gmail chat is good enough for you and I however. . .
Comment by Todd — Thursday, 17 May 2007 @ 11:11 am
I’m over IMing … don’t they know that’s so old school?
Maybe I’m a geezer, but I really prefer e-mail. It’s still pretty fast. And I’ll have nothing to do with texting; who wants to write in abbreviations on a cell phone? No thanks. It also corrupts our use of the written word. I am hoping fervently for this shit fad to be over. Maybe a new technology will come along.
Comment by Mel B. — Friday, 18 May 2007 @ 10:59 am
I get fascist, too, when it comes to texting. It seems like a really clunky technology. I’m not THAT worried about corruption though…really.
Comment by Todd — Sunday, 20 May 2007 @ 8:01 pm