Wash and Whacks
One of those “Oddly Enough” stories from Reuters:
Nude Car Wash Gets Police Attention
A nude car wash offering an X-rated sideshow and topless cleaning in Australia’s tropical Queensland state has been given the all-clear after police and officials said they were powerless to scrub it.
The Bubbles ‘n’ Babes car wash in Brisbane prompted a flood of complaints with a topless car wash for A$55 ($45) and a nude car wash with X-rated lap-dance service for A$100. “If it was approved for a car wash then I can’t imagine how we can stop them,” Lord Mayor Campbell Newman told a council meeting with worried local lawmakers.
As a man, I can honestly say my car would probably be much cleaner if one of these specialty car washes moved into my area. If I were a woman, though, is this the kind of job I would want?
Perhaps I’m missing the point, but it seems to me this would be a pretty terrible job, and not for the obvious reasons.  I see it as a terrible job because normally, strippers get to work in an air-conditioned environment in which they perform, then retire to a dressing room.
Washing a car, on the other hand, can be hot, tedious work. Personally, I hate washing my car. Even if I had good looks, under most circumstances I would find it very difficult to wash a car in a sexy way. But washing cars again and again and again, all day long? All the while performing for onlookers as if their Mustang were the only one that matters, and I am as fresh and horny as if I just got out of bed? Ugh. No thanks.
Think of the sun burn, the heat, the physical labor involved in washing the car. Think about a beautiful woman having to soap up her full, firm breasts and then rub them all over the windshield in an attempt to scrub off the bug juice. Think about the suds that would get on her nipples and between her cleavage. Think about the soapy water running down her thighs as she bends over to vigorously polish your rims.
Um, okay…if you’re at work, don’t think about that kind of thing. Bad idea.
The question remains, would any woman work at a job like this for very long? Personally, I think the turnover rate would be very high, unless the women work as independent contractors, booking “gigs” at the car wash only when they feel like it.
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I don’t know if a woman would work at a job like this very long, or if it even matters in the end–nobody’s looking at her face.
And as a person whose worked in several places with high turnover, bosses generally don’t seem to give a rat’s ass about high turnover. The costs involved don’t bother them. The people involved really don’t bother them.
These things are extrememly profitable. You’ve heard about the bikini coffeeshops in Oregon, haven’t you? And they have clothes on. Some. (And by the way, this story is way older than May. TV is just slow to the party.)
I love it. Oregon. Liberal bastion of the world. Except when it comes to the morning brew.
Back to the car wash, I see a couple of real problems.
1) It’s just not very sanitary. I washed cars for a living for about a year and a half. When you’re reaching into crevices you don’t know what you’re gonna find. You’ve got to kneel on and reach over seats where god knows what happened, and there’s no fabric anywhere to protect you. And with people vacuuming and throwing suds and trash and drug paraphernalia around everywhere all around you… infection city. Who’s gonna pay the doctor bills?
2) However, the potential for tips is huge. But there’s nowhere to put them. Why should the carwash get all the money?
3) You’re gonna be a wrinkled mess by the end of the shift. Are they gonna give several breaks a day or cut short the shifts to prevent this? Yeah, didn’t think so.
What we need is a carwash with all the exhibitionist men on lawnmowers who mow shirtless with their furry man boobs all out and proud for the world to see. Prob. wouldn’t have to pay them very much at all to wash your car naked. The customer’s only price is in blindfolds.
Comment by Heather — Thursday, 17 May 2007 @ 12:32 pm
I hadn’t heard about the coffee shops. I think it’s a fine idea, though. And considering I already drink a lot of coffee, hey, two birds…
(Bad British pun, there)
But anyway, I think the car wash would be a horrid idea. I hadn’t really thought about the wrinkling, either. I suspect that men aren’t really paying $45.00 to get a really fine detail job done, however.
Now, my Dad might expect a good wash for his money. he was fanatical about washing the car, when I was younger. He’d be, like, inspecting their work: “Hey Hon, you missed a spot there on the driver’s side. Yeah, right there. Put some elbow grease into it, Sweety!”
Comment by greypilgrim — Thursday, 17 May 2007 @ 12:39 pm
Anyone remember the car wash scene in Cool Hand Luke? That’s probably the origin of this very faulty idea. . . I’m just waiting for some confused customer to complain about his car not getting washed well. As if that were the point.
Comment by Todd — Thursday, 17 May 2007 @ 12:44 pm
Some guys would forget that they wanted their car clean. I don’t think it really matters.
It’s kind of like a lap dance; you know it’s disgusting, but what the hell.
Comment by Mel B. — Friday, 18 May 2007 @ 10:56 am
I highly doubt men are really paying for the car wash, so the car’s ultimate cleanliness seems beside the point. Still, I’m with Heather on every single point she makes, especially the hygiene of the experience for the women working/performing. Ugh.
Comment by Dawn — Saturday, 19 May 2007 @ 9:35 pm