Next Monday is the date for my “snipping.” We have been kind of joking about it as my date with Madame Guillotine. I am expecting I will need the rest of the day Monday and all day Tuesday to recover, but I should be well enough to travel by Wednesday. At least I hope so. My family is expecting us to travel up there to see them, and I have already disappointed my mother by telling her she will never have any more grandkids. She’s expecting us to bring the one grandchild she does have to visit.

I’m just glad you’re willing to open your lives to help someone else out who (from the sounds of it) has been neglected, ill-cared-for, and little loved. As far as problems, yeah he’s probably got some. Kids are rarely the same at home as they are everywhere else, especially during the teenage years. I don’t see how that makes it anyone’s right to be warning you or trying to discourage you on this - that makes me a little sad. People are so wrapped up in doing the “comfortable” thing, that sometimes there is so little love for another human.

On the foster and adoption note, I’ve always had a burden for those unloved children out there. I don’t want any innocent children to suffer. Of course, Josh is just about out of innocence, but maybe you can give him one last, golden year. I was so thrilled to hear that you’re not just “taking him in for a year”, either, but offering him the chance to become part of your family if he wants it.

(deep breath)

Ok. So one other note, since I never responded on your “getting snipped” post. We’re considering the same thing - I think after this pregnancy we’re done. But we’re also considering adoption. It’s not that we don’t want more kids (though in a way we don’t, at the moment at least) - it’s that we don’t want to go through any more pregnancies. Those decisions are a way off yet, but I hope if we find ourselves in a position similar to yours that we would do the same thing.

And the best part in this situation is no diapers!
When you write about your son, you write about his growth and take joy in that. Helping someone in their last year of school will be just as interesting to watch.

If this works out well, do you see doing it again? Or was this really a matter of desperation?

As for the snobbishness, that may well be part of it. There are families that consist wholly of foster children. Josh’s former family was one of these, and I’ve always wondered about the motivations of people who take in several foster kids. Is it money (we will receive a stipend of about $400.00 a month for Josh)? Is it charity? Is it false charity?

I don’t know. But in Josh’s case, there is a definite sense that he is “not one of us.” He doesn’t really fit in. He likes art, and he is pretty good with pencil and paint brush. He is kind of goofy, in a nerdy way, but not picked on or unpopular in school. He was elected to be the school mascot next year because of his “spirit,” something he would have to give up if he left the county to live in another foster home elsewhere.

I think a lot of parents probably don’t know how to raise a kid like him. I am not sure we do, either–not that he needs much “raising” at age 18. My hunch, from my own experiences, is that maybe if we treat him more like an adult, giving him more freedom rather than more restrictions, he may flourish. We’ll see.