A Pilgrim’s Digression

Listed below are ten things I most dislike about public transportation. For some reason, the excessive heat we’ve been experiencing in Washington has really made these annoyances even more annoying. Plus, whether also because of the heat or not, I’m not sure, but the trains have been uncomfortably crowded in the evenings when I go home from work. There are few things worse than being crammed into a sardine can of a train car with lots of sweaty, tired people. All the annoyances that, normally, one can live with, become heightened and more annoying.

1. People who sing, hum, or whistle loudly.
2. People who talk loudly.
3. People who talk loudly on a cell phone.
4. People who beg for money.
5. People who play the penny whistle (while begging for money).
6. People who place their bags on an empty seat beside them and then look at you coldly if you seem like you might want to sit down.
7. People who stretch out over two seats so that they can sleep better.
8. People who eat or drink on public transportation.
9. People who turn up their iPods or CD players to such a volume that neither headphones nor train noise can muffle the sound.
10. People who pushily crowd in front of you to get on a train or bus.

I could elaborate on all of these, but let me just go into detail about a couple.

Yesterday evening, the Farragut North metro station was so crowded that people were literally pushing each other to get on a train. It was a real mess. Not being of the kind to push and shove, but also not wanting to wait another seven minutes for the next train, I hurried up the platform until I found just enough space in a car to slip inside and find a handhold before the door closed.

Then I hear him.

There is a beggar on board. In the midst of this crowded, pushy, smelly, hot, tired pack of frustrated office workers trying to go home, there is this man begging for money.

“A quarter. Anyone got a quarter so I can get off at the next stop? I’ll get off at the next stop if someone gives me a quarter. Just a quarter. All I want is a quarter. Anyone got a quarter? Gimme a quarter so I can get off at Gallery-Place/Chinatown. A quarter. One single quarter. Pocket change, people, just a quarter. All I need is a quarter and I’ll get off the train.”

You get the picture. This went on all the way to Metro Center, and had been going on for who knows how long before that. Finally, some woman says, “I’ll give you a quarter.” And she passes the coin from person to person across the packed car until it reaches him.

“Thank you, ma’am,” he says, “Now, anyone else? Anyone else got a quarter? All I want is a quarter…”

Someone yelled, “She just gave you a quarter!”

And someone else, “Shut up, Asshole!”

The guy could tell the jig was up. People were getting pretty hot. I guess he suspected that mob violence was not out of the question in this situation, and so at Gallery Place, he really did get off the train.

Another annoyance is people eating on public transport. I have to say, WMATA is pretty good at enforcing it’s no eating policy and I rarely see this here, but Boston was a different story.

We rode the T into the city one day, as you’ll recall, and what struck me first about Boston’s subway system is how filthy it’s cars are. Even by Washington Metro standards, where the carpet is worn out and often stained, the seats faded, and newspapers are left lying about, the Boston subway was incomparably dirty. Mainly because people were allowed to eat and drink on the train.

There were food wrappers and sometimes food itself on the seats and floor, Dunkin Donuts cups on the window ledges behind the seats, and people were quite happily chomping away on breakfast, lunch, or dinner while riding the train to their next destination.

On the morning ride into the city, a young woman sitting across from us took a bagel and a small container of cream cheese from her bag and, with a knife brought from home, spread the cream cheese carefully on her bagel and began to eat. And this reminded me of another reason why eating should not be allowed on public transportation: sometimes it is just plain gross watching someone else eat.

This girl chewed her food like a cow. Her mouth opened and closed as she ate like the slow mouth of a garbage truck. Chomp, chomp, chew, chew, her tongue moving the food around in her mouth as she prepared to swallow loudly. It was disgusting to watch.

A few years ago, there was the case of a young woman arrested for eating french fries on Metro. I believe she sued, though I can’t recall the outcome of the affair. As I thought about this issue of eating on the train, I read in the Post, that her case has apparently made Metro officials more reluctant to enforce the rules. Whether we will see more and more people getting away with eating on the train, I don’t know, but I hope not. There is certainly no such lack of restaurants in D.C. that we need to turn our public transportation into a cafeteria.

There are a number of smaller annoyances where I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. Yes, it’s annoying when someone going to the airport crowds on a train or bus with four enormous suitcases. But I don’t let that get to me, because I have used public transport for just such a purpose.

Yes, it is annoying when some tourist family crowds on with one of those gigantic double-strollers that literally block all movement in and around the train car doors. And then, more annoyance when their kids are noisy and the parents think it’s just so cute. The only thing more annoying than people talking loudly on Metro is people talking loudly in baby talk.

But as a parent, I can sympathize with that, too. Often, especially for new parents, the whole world really does revolve around them and their children.

What annoys me to no end is discourtesy. The lack of common consideration for others. Turn your damned music down! No one gives a fuck that you are so cool that you listen to your Fifty Cent, or whoever is popular these days.

If someone calls you while you are on the train, mute the ringer if you aren’t going to answer. Or answer and tell them you’ll call them back. Or just show some consideration by speaking in a friggin’ normal tone of voice. I don’t give a fuck if you really, really need to tell your wife you are on your way home from work and will be there in another ten minutes, and oh, the train is just passing such and such station, and do you need me to pick up anything on my way home?

Your conversations are important only to you. Keep them to yourself.

And please, don’t give the beggar a quarter.