Comments on: No answers http://sodsbrood.com/pilgrim/2007/07/25/no-answers Comeday morm and, O, you're vine! Sendday's eve and, ah, you're vinegar! Fri, 09 Jan 2009 21:37:30 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7 hourly 1 By: greypilgrim http://sodsbrood.com/pilgrim/2007/07/25/no-answers/comment-page-1#comment-66991 greypilgrim Sun, 29 Jul 2007 15:30:13 +0000 http://sodsbrood.com/pilgrim/2007/07/25/no-answers#comment-66991 Everything you all have written here is very sane and very insightful. Even though I know these things to be true, it is still much harder to actually live by these ideas than not. I have a lifetime of bad habits and negative thinking to overcome. And maybe deep inside I don't want to overcome them. It's always much easier not to change. On the subject of the therapist evaluating my writing, it's not a matter of taking his opinion too seriously, but of trusting my own evaluation. He simply validated what I already felt or knew to be true. And he wasn't really evaluating my writing anyway, but prompting me to evaluate it. Anyway, I agree with everything written here. I don't know what more to say. Everything you all have written here is very sane and very insightful. Even though I know these things to be true, it is still much harder to actually live by these ideas than not. I have a lifetime of bad habits and negative thinking to overcome. And maybe deep inside I don’t want to overcome them. It’s always much easier not to change.

On the subject of the therapist evaluating my writing, it’s not a matter of taking his opinion too seriously, but of trusting my own evaluation. He simply validated what I already felt or knew to be true. And he wasn’t really evaluating my writing anyway, but prompting me to evaluate it.

Anyway, I agree with everything written here. I don’t know what more to say.

]]> By: Scrivener http://sodsbrood.com/pilgrim/2007/07/25/no-answers/comment-page-1#comment-66153 Scrivener Fri, 27 Jul 2007 04:51:41 +0000 http://sodsbrood.com/pilgrim/2007/07/25/no-answers#comment-66153 Listen, are you seriously going to give up on any future possibility of writing or publishing because some therapist thinks your writing isn't good enough? I don't know whether you're a good enough writer--or lucky enough, or going to write something that will market well, or whatever--to say that you should do it. What the hell do I know about whether it's worth it to you? But I damn well know that "my therapist didn't like my short story" is not at all a good reason to think it's worthless. He's not even your creative writing instructor of your friend, the editor. He's a fucking therapist. And I gotta say, if what you were showing him and talking to him about was a narrative about your childhood and how that's affected you to today, then a therapist just might be the absolute worts judge of the value of such a story--he hears enough of those stories every single day and has to approach them in a professional, clinical manner, so of course such a narrative would be a tough sell for him. I have to say that Mel B. is talking much sense up above. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that you are never going to the greatest writer in Western culture. But there are a helluva lot of halfway decent writers who publish halfway decent books that people read and find some value in, and that doesn't make all those halfway decent writers losers. I think your tendency to catastrophize about your writing is a not uncommon dysfunctional defensive response. (Well, it might be uncommon to catastrophize about writing specifically, but the tendency to catastrophize is not an uncommon dysfunction.) I think it's one very common symptom of depression. Again, I'm not saying you have to write or that you will certainly someday write again. I don't know whether you will. Neither do you. Your desire to say with such certainty that you never will is a misplaced defensive mechanism of some sort. I don't see how it helps you in any way, though, to decide that the fact that you haven't taken any pleasure from writing recently means that you will never write again. Stop exerting so much effort in worrying about what will happen in the future, with your writing and everything else, and focus on what you are doing right now. You live in the present. Stop avoiding with the painful issues that you are facing right now by spinning off into elaborate fictions about your future prospects as a writer. Listen, are you seriously going to give up on any future possibility of writing or publishing because some therapist thinks your writing isn’t good enough? I don’t know whether you’re a good enough writer–or lucky enough, or going to write something that will market well, or whatever–to say that you should do it. What the hell do I know about whether it’s worth it to you? But I damn well know that “my therapist didn’t like my short story” is not at all a good reason to think it’s worthless. He’s not even your creative writing instructor of your friend, the editor. He’s a fucking therapist.

And I gotta say, if what you were showing him and talking to him about was a narrative about your childhood and how that’s affected you to today, then a therapist just might be the absolute worts judge of the value of such a story–he hears enough of those stories every single day and has to approach them in a professional, clinical manner, so of course such a narrative would be a tough sell for him.

I have to say that Mel B. is talking much sense up above. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that you are never going to the greatest writer in Western culture. But there are a helluva lot of halfway decent writers who publish halfway decent books that people read and find some value in, and that doesn’t make all those halfway decent writers losers.

I think your tendency to catastrophize about your writing is a not uncommon dysfunctional defensive response. (Well, it might be uncommon to catastrophize about writing specifically, but the tendency to catastrophize is not an uncommon dysfunction.) I think it’s one very common symptom of depression. Again, I’m not saying you have to write or that you will certainly someday write again. I don’t know whether you will.

Neither do you.

Your desire to say with such certainty that you never will is a misplaced defensive mechanism of some sort. I don’t see how it helps you in any way, though, to decide that the fact that you haven’t taken any pleasure from writing recently means that you will never write again.

Stop exerting so much effort in worrying about what will happen in the future, with your writing and everything else, and focus on what you are doing right now. You live in the present. Stop avoiding with the painful issues that you are facing right now by spinning off into elaborate fictions about your future prospects as a writer.

]]> By: Heather http://sodsbrood.com/pilgrim/2007/07/25/no-answers/comment-page-1#comment-66115 Heather Thu, 26 Jul 2007 20:25:57 +0000 http://sodsbrood.com/pilgrim/2007/07/25/no-answers#comment-66115 *ah* I think I see. I agree with Mel B., and would just like to add that maybe now you're mourning what was, with no idea of where to go find what will be, or even if there is a point in finding out what will be. You've taken away your life purpose. It's hard for anything to have a point when there is no purpose. *ah* I think I see.

I agree with Mel B., and would just like to add that maybe now you’re mourning what was, with no idea of where to go find what will be, or even if there is a point in finding out what will be.

You’ve taken away your life purpose. It’s hard for anything to have a point when there is no purpose.

]]> By: Mel B. http://sodsbrood.com/pilgrim/2007/07/25/no-answers/comment-page-1#comment-66110 Mel B. Thu, 26 Jul 2007 17:48:21 +0000 http://sodsbrood.com/pilgrim/2007/07/25/no-answers#comment-66110 Maybe it's not whether anyone would read it, but whether the process of writing would make you happy. And because you feel determined to fail, you take no pleasure from writing any more. All because there was this drive to be the best, and you find out that perhaps you are not, like your athlete. So what? So what if you're not the best? There's a lot of shit out there. I think what you maybe needed was a break from writing. I don't think you should give it up. You're getting help. You've got other things to occupy your life right now. But if you've always identified as a writer, and you've taken that away from yourself, what does that make you? You've got a hole in your life that will just get bigger if you consider yourself apathetic or a failure. Maybe it’s not whether anyone would read it, but whether the process of writing would make you happy. And because you feel determined to fail, you take no pleasure from writing any more. All because there was this drive to be the best, and you find out that perhaps you are not, like your athlete.
So what? So what if you’re not the best? There’s a lot of shit out there.

I think what you maybe needed was a break from writing. I don’t think you should give it up. You’re getting help. You’ve got other things to occupy your life right now. But if you’ve always identified as a writer, and you’ve taken that away from yourself, what does that make you?
You’ve got a hole in your life that will just get bigger if you consider yourself apathetic or a failure.

]]> By: greypilgrim http://sodsbrood.com/pilgrim/2007/07/25/no-answers/comment-page-1#comment-66106 greypilgrim Thu, 26 Jul 2007 16:47:21 +0000 http://sodsbrood.com/pilgrim/2007/07/25/no-answers#comment-66106 I don't think he meant the question negatively; he seemed concerned to rephrase it so that it did not hurt my feelings. Nothing much hurts my feelings. I think what he wanted, as you say, was for me to consider the validity of my childhood goal. Was it ever reasonable to think I could achieve it, and that anyone would care? Or was I setting myself up for a fall? Obviously, I've come to think I was setting myself up to be disappointed, like the kid who thinks he can be a star athlete when he grows up when really his talent is minimal. I don’t think he meant the question negatively; he seemed concerned to rephrase it so that it did not hurt my feelings. Nothing much hurts my feelings. I think what he wanted, as you say, was for me to consider the validity of my childhood goal. Was it ever reasonable to think I could achieve it, and that anyone would care? Or was I setting myself up for a fall? Obviously, I’ve come to think I was setting myself up to be disappointed, like the kid who thinks he can be a star athlete when he grows up when really his talent is minimal.

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