Comments on: Wit’s End

By: Dawn

Dawn — Sat, 11 Aug 2007 13:05:54 +0000

You know, I wouldn’t rule out the impact of an extra person in the house regardless of how well things are going with him. Since Lucy, Elliot has been more prone to disregard what we say and be intentionally defiant in the way you describe (though I almost laughed at your surprise over Brendan saying he was going to watch cartoons anyway–such a response is, sadly, pretty common with Elliot, though we’re working on that).

I’m also a bit of a briber (ice cream’s my tool) and the more lenient one. Working on those areas too…

By: Heather

Heather — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 16:27:21 +0000

Yeah, the thought of messing up a child — and I don’t have any children — scares the bejesus out of me. It almost seems inevitable, to a certain extent.

But then again, messed up or otherwise, I don’ think any of us turned out that bad, mistakes from our parents and all. Maybe you just need faith that the good you do will outweigh the bad. As difficult as that surely must seem some days.

By: greypilgrim

greypilgrim — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 14:23:13 +0000

I know that at least partly, the problem is one of leniency. Speaking only for myself, I know that too often I threaten punishment, or impose a punishment, but let him off the hook. I think what I’ve taught him is that if he says “sorry” or otherwise acts remorseful, I will let him go without punishment. Thus he keeps doing the same naughty things, over and over.

I sometimes wonder how any of us turned out halfway decent people. We all go into this parenting thing with no training, and often no examples other than the bad ones set by our own parents. I don’t know how to be a good parent. I mean, I am totally flying by the seat of my pants, and every time I screw up and do something wrong, like the way I bribed him to get him to go to VBS, I feel like I’ve just done something that will have grave consequences for the person he is developing into.

Sometimes I think parenting is just too much for me and I should never have had a child. I don’t want to be responsible for the person, whether bad or good, that my son becomes!

By: Todd

Todd — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 14:03:41 +0000

Well, keep in mind the distance that separates us from youth. It becomes harder and harder for me to understand the instinctual urges and stupidities of the young. But I was one of those once and did lots of harm in certain ways.

The great horror of being a parent is confronting the possibility that our beloved boy is ONE OF THOSE. I’m not ready to say Elliot is ONE OF THOSE, but he is certainly cruising that direction. Today, he woke up early and was VERY cranky.

And then you have to ask yourself, what am I doing wrong? As a parent, and relatively moral and stable, you just assume that you will rub off on them. I do, anyway. But I don’t know if that is enough. And I won’t know if that is enough for years….

Elliot is also malicious with Bruce. I think it is an age thing. How widespread it is I am not sure…One of the things we like is finding parents with similarly high strung kids: this assures us that our child is normal.

Right now, we are working on consistency, making the punishment a logically-balanced response to the wrong, and on the whole picking up after yourself issue.

By: Mel B.

Mel B. — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 04:30:57 +0000

That’s a tough situation. Maybe you just need to be aware of your tendency to give in and bribe so you can work to correct it, just as Brendan has to work to understand the puppy better.