So we’ve done the family bed thing, as you all probably know, and we’re still doing it, though now only with Lucy, not Elliot. Since Lucy’s been here, with only a few nights exception, he’s been sleeping in his own bed in his own room. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t wake up some times and call out for us, in which case one of us (these days it’s often Todd) will go into his room and lay down with him until he falls back asleep, which often just takes a minute or so. But he no longer even tries to come into our room.

We haven’t gotten Elliot to fall asleep on his own, however. Todd’s nighttime ritual (as it has largely fallen to him since Lucy was born and we have two children to get to sleep) is to read to him for half an hour or so, then turn on the music, turn out the lights, and lay beside him, often singing his own made up songs as Elliot holds onto him and falls asleep. Tonight Todd is in Stratford with college students so I had to get Elliot to sleep (which took FAR too long, so eventually I got up and let him watch Mickey and the Beanstalk, after which he fell asleep within 10 minutes of being back in bed).

Anyway, on the family bed thing, from my point of view it’s especially nice when they’re babies (and, since I’m nursing, this makes for a nearly uninterrupted night’s sleep for everybody). Lucy’s a good sleeper and I’ve thought of setting up the crib for her, maybe for night sleeping but at least for naps as she gets more mobile, but especially as the second child, I like sleeping beside her because I feel she gets crowded out by Elliot so much during the day.

What can I say…I’ve read that the whole family bed thing (”co-sleeping” as Dr. Sears calls it in The Baby Book) fills a need for closeness and intimacy at a young age so that older children are actually more capable of being independent and feeling secure when they’re older. Whatever…that’s not really my motivation so much as a good night’s sleep and the joy of waking up next to my baby. You have do do what feels right and works best for you, and I’m glad you have your bed to yourselves again. We’d wondered if we’d ever have Elliot out of our bed for quite some time. Not we just need to get him fully potty trained…

My brother and I very rarely would ask to come and sleep with our parents, usually after we’d been allowed to watch a clearly inappropriate scary movie such as Aliens or Nightmare on Elm Street. I actually cherish those times because they were so rare and sweet. Like the time my mother’s mom died, and I stayed with her.

I don’t think a family bed situation would’ve ever worked for us, though. For one, I suspect my parents liked their own private time, a lot. And I don’t think I’d ultimately be comfortable with that if I had children.

I wouldn’t be too keen on the family bed, either. Hell, for years I had said that I wouldn’t even share a bed full-time with a dude if I got in a relationship with one — I had to have my own bed, too, somewhere else in the house. I didn’t want him all breathing on me and getting in the way of my sleep. I wanted my own space where I could go off and read or watch CHiPs or something if I needed/wanted.

I suppose that’s telling.