A Pilgrim’s Digression

Last night as I was watching the ABC evening news with my elderly landlady, she commented that the commercial breaks seemed longer than ever. I agreed, of course, and her off-hand remark really prompted me to pay attention to what was being advertised.

In one commercial break alone, I counted four advertisements for prescription medication, one advertisement for Toyota, one advertisement for an upcoming TV show, something luridly titled “Dirty Sexy Money.”

I know I have commented on this before, but it bears further analysis. Why all the commercials for prescription drugs, especially drugs for Erectile Dysfunction?

Of the latter, the latest and (in my opinion) the funniest is for Cialis. “I never realized that my high blood pressure medication could be causing my ED,” the man says. He’s middle aged, very prosperous looking. In between his talking, shots of him playing tennis, picking flowers with his wife (also a carefully groomed, young-looking middle aged woman), always laughing, laughing, laughing.

“I didn’t feel like a man anymore,” another man says, a handsome, older black man with close-cropped gray hair (cut to him and his wife, both laughing of course, as they stroll along a beach).

The intimate laughter seems to signify that the two are quietly enjoying their secret: they are having the best sex of their lives. Thank you, Cialis!

It sort of reminds me of those commercials for “feminine pads” or “feminine napkins” as they were euphemistically called, when I was a kid. I used to think a feminine napkin was a special toilet paper a woman used to wipe her bum. Heck, there were even commercials for douches.

Remember this? “Mom, did you ever feel…not so fresh?”

Apparently, women always talk about that “not so fresh feeling” with their mom, and the conversation usually happens on the beach.  Just once, I’d like to see a commercial for a douche kit that dropped all pretense of euphemism: “Mom, my snatch really reeks. Is there something I can do about it?” “Why yes, Dear, try a Massengill Douche™.”

But remembering those commercials triggered the following thought: why don’t we see those commercials anymore? When I was a kid–and even up into the nineties–I remember commercials for soft drinks (when was the last time you saw a Coke or Pepsi commercial on TV?), chewing gum, household cleaners, toothpaste, cereal (remember all the ads for Fruit Loops and Trix and Captain Crunch?) …

Where have all these ads gone? And why have they been replaced with ads for Requip ? Requip is a drug that treats Restless Legs Syndrome. Speaking of which, maybe Larry Craig should ask his doctor about Requip, as the commercial suggests.

Requip, Cialis, Levitra, Lipitor…sometimes I see ads for all four in one block of commercials. And let’s not even start about the adult diaper advertisements. That tells you right there the age bracket to which Charlie Gibson’s news program is targeted.

I know that if I paid attention to Nickelodeon when my son is watching, I’d see commercials for toys. Advertisements are broadcast at particular times during the day, and during particular programs, according to the demographic of the audience supposed to be watching. But you know what? I find myself missing Pepsi advertising. Double Mint gum…stupid as it was, I wouldn’t mind seeing the Double Mint twins, again. At least there was some element of sexual fantasy to that. Even Peppermint Patty commercials had a sort of campy humor. “I feel like I’m slalloming down Mt. Everest with the wind in my face and…”

Ah, those were the days.