The Feeling’s Mutual
I came across this post at the Newsweek blog, I, Breeder titled “Confessions of a Waitress: I Hate Your Damn Kid.” The writer, a waitress herself, is very specific about the “your” in “your damn kid.” She admits that she has no kids of her own, but that she “loves” kids to whom she is related. She just hates your kids. A lot of her complaints about kids originate from the fact that she apparently resents having to work at a “menial” job, and “our” kids only make things worse.
On top of that, there’s your damn kids. For starters, they’re dirty: They throw noodles all over the floor, spread spaghetti sauce, drop breadbaskets. They spill water on the tablecloth and crawl underneath the table. They want crayons and drawing paper to keep them entertained…
The list goes on and on. She even complains about them pooping, as if that somehow affects her at all.
They demand everything and contribute nothing: their food is cheap (if they order food at all) and they don’t get drinks (yes, I know that’s obvious, but a waitress’s No. 1 goal is to up that tab). They need special food that’s not too hot and not too hard, and their bottles need to be heated up–but they can’t be microwaved. (”Can I get a warm–but not too hot–basin to soak this in?” I’ve had many-a-mother ask sweetly.) For the record, restaurants don’t keep “hot water basins” on hand
The author complains about whiny children, but I can think of a word with a similar meaning often applied to adults. It begins with B and ends with an itch. Often accompanied by “moan.”
What strikes me is that she really isn’t even complaining about “bad” kids, but normal-acting children. Yes, a toddler is a messy eater. Yes (I know it’s hard to believe) babies poop. In their diaper! In public places!
Much of what her complaint comes down to is one of economics. She feels first and foremost resentful at having to work such a job, and second of all resentful of parents who (to her mind) don’t tip decently. Honey, maybe you don’t get a nice tip from parents because they can sense how much you, in your words, “hate” their child? I wouldn’t tip you one dime if you acted even the slightest bit inconvenienced to be waiting on my family.
And then she admits that her goal as a waitress is to bump up the tab? I only wish I knew which restaurant she works at so I could avoid it, with or without children. Better yet, I think it would be fun to find out which restaurant she works at and plan my son’s seventh birthday party there. Do you have a party room available, Dear? We’ll show you what it looks like to spill noodles on the floor.
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I sit on the other side of the fence on this one. I tend to not appreciate children who are not related to me, or known to me in some way.
More likely, as you say, it’s a matter of economics and being forced to do something repeatedly that you do not like. We all have experienced this in our jobs. Something that on the surface is only mildly annoying — one thing dropped on the floor — can turn into something monumental, given enough time and work out of proportion to a tip.
There are certain things I hear in my job that make me unbearably angry, but then I examine why I am angry and it’s just a buildup of all sorts of little angers.
You may not agree with this nasty waitress but you would just be compounding her nastiness if you found her, and not making the world better than you left it.
(This coming from a person who wrote a long asshole note and stuck it on someone’s car.)
Comment by Mel B. — Friday, 2 November 2007 @ 12:16 am
Judging by the comments on the woman’s blog post, many people do agree with you and this waitress. My experience has been that the majority of people feel this way until they have children of their own. And then when they are older and the children are long gone, they revert to this kind of cranky selfishness on display in this article. Many, many older people can’t tolerate kids, either, and they blame it on poor parenting. Whereas we all know what great parents people were back in the 60’s, when you could beat kids.
Comment by greypilgrim — Friday, 2 November 2007 @ 4:41 pm
Just as an aside — Of course her job is to bump up the tab. A hallmark of sales is the sell-up. You can’t get your car serviced without them wanting to do “one more thing.” You can’t go to the electronics store without them wanting to sell you some gold-plated bric-a-brac as well. The sell-up is everywhere. Why not restaurants, too? They don’t keep pestering your for drinks, appetizers and desserts out of the goodness of their hearts.
Besides, callousness abounds in sales. You may be upset because this one involves kids. But there are the shark salesmen who studiously avoid me, for example, or dismiss me as quickly as possible because, because of how I look, dress and act, i cannot possibly be worth their time. I had a friend once, actually, who said that when people walk into the store, they’re like little dollar signs coming in. I’m sure salespeople then assign values to them, then act accordingly. To assess the situation callously, yeah, the kids don’t do much for her bottom line. They don’t add to the tab and they cause work when she could be busy bumping up someone else’s tab.
Just because kids don’t make economic sense for her and people have proven cranky with other people’s kids, it doesn’t mean that, as a society, all people are selfish pricks in all situations unless they themselves have kids.
Comment by Heather — Saturday, 3 November 2007 @ 11:51 am
Are you two really defending this woman’s point of view? Someone who says they “hate” children to whom they are not related? I did not use the word “prick” to describe “the majority of people.” But I did use the word “selfish,” and I did use the word “bitch” to describe this waitress in particular.
And that is exactly how I would describe someone who can only feel empathy for someone to whom they are related; someone who says she “hates” other people’s children: she’s a selfish bitch.
Comment by Matthew — Saturday, 3 November 2007 @ 5:24 pm
I am so totally with you on this, Matt, and I’d like to think I would be even if I DIDN’T have children. Want to get a good tip from me? Be nice to my kids! Nothing like going to a restaurant where your kids are treated like people rather than vermin and, even better, where they are doted on just a bit. If my kid’s being a brat, yeah, I’ll take him out of your restaurant in a heartbeat, but if my kid’s just being a kid (and not a particularly loud or difficult…again, brat…kid), I want to eat out like the rest of you.
Best places to eat out with kids: Baan Thai in Fort Wayne and Kotobuku (Japanese) in Toledo. Come to think of it, I’ve yet to have a bad experience with waitstaff in a Japanese, Thai, or Indian restaurant with kids. Maybe I’ve just been lucky or maybe there’s a cultural appreciation of children that’s lacking in the more whitebread American restaurants. Who knows. But if I have a good experience I tip well and I will return again and again.
Comment by Dawn — Saturday, 3 November 2007 @ 10:13 pm
I’m glad someone is one my side. I was feeling pretty lonely there
On the issue of waitresses bumping up tabs, I’d like to think that not every server has the restaurant’s bottom line as their primary concern. At the very least it does the bottom line no good to treat a certain class of people, whether they be children or gays or Jews, as “vermin” (as Dawn said). I mean, this waitress basically says that families with small children should never set foot in a nice restaurant, but should be relegated to the ghetto of T.G.I. Fridays (which in my experience has wait-staff who can be just as unfriendly to families as in any “fancy” restaurant).
Comment by greypilgrim — Sunday, 4 November 2007 @ 7:38 am
Any sales situation they see you not as a person, but as a dollar sign. Any of us are naive to think otherwise. They’re not nice to you because they like you. They’re nice to you because they want a larger tip. It’s not the restaurant’s bottom line; it’s their own.
I’m not saying waitresses should be shitty to kids. I’m explaining that sales is callous, and you’re just upset because you’ve seen the callous underbelly of waitressing. My point is you shouldn’t take this attitude of the waitress — a salesperson — and extrapolate it to the general population of people without children, as you did in your response to Mel B.
Comment by Heather — Sunday, 4 November 2007 @ 12:18 pm
Yeah…sales is callous, no argument from me there, and I’m undoubtedly a bit naive myself about why waitstaff can at times seems so nice and friendly, but I’d like to think that not every friendly waitress/waiter I encountered was so just because of visions of dollar signs dancing before them. I want (need?) to believe that some friendly conversational waitresses are that way just because they are that type of people.
Anyway, I didn’t get the sense from Matt’s posts that this was meant as a “having kids makes people more selfless and understanding” sort of debate (correct me if I’m wrong) in a general sense…and speaking of children, one of mine just woke up so I gotta go…
Comment by Dawn — Sunday, 4 November 2007 @ 10:57 pm
It was more a “having kids makes one understanding of other parents” type of post. Not that single, childless people can’t be empathetic, but that it’s easier for people of like experience to understand each other.
Comment by greypilgrim — Monday, 5 November 2007 @ 12:31 pm