psalm 137
…for there our captors asked us for songs, our tormentors demanded songs of joy … (Psalm 137:1-3)
I went to bed last night about ten P.M. with the election still very much undecided. The mood had changed, however. When I first turned on Fox at around 6:30, the conservatives were nervous. Exit polls were not favorable. For much of the half hour until seven, Mort Kondrake, Fred Barnes, Juan Williams, and Bill Kristol were doing what amounted to a post-mortem on the Bush campaign. What went wrong? When did the tide turn against Bush? General agreement was that it was the Iraq war that had sunk the Bush presidency. Or rather, it was the lack of WMD in Iraq that had sunk the Bush presidency. The pundits agreed that if the central rationale for the war had panned out, Bush would be in much better shape on election night.
When I went to bed at ten, the story had changed. Ohio and Florida were far from being decided, but Bush was ahead slightly in both. There was already a feeling that the victory was slipping away from Kerry. However, I thought Kerry would at least close the gap in Ohio by morning.
I did not sleep well or long last night. I woke before three and listened to the radio a little. Gradually, I woke up even more, as the news became clearer to my mind. The tone of the NPR reporters’ voices, the way they were talking about the Kerry campaign as if victory were now an impossibility …
I lay like that for an hour, finally giving up at four. I had heard everything I needed to hear. I got a shower, shaved, and went downstairs for breakfast. I had some oatmeal and juice, and I watched MSNBC, hoping the story was not so dire. It was indeed really so dire.
On the way to work in the pre-dawn hours this morning, I tried to think of what I would write here. I did not want to write anything, but writing is therapy, and I resort to it in good times and bad, like some people resort to alochol or drugs. However, even now, after a few hours of reflection, I just don’t know what to offer my readers today, whether it be consolation, defiance, anger, or bitterness. I feel all of those things, except consoled.
As I waited at the bus stop at 5:30, I thought perhaps I ought to be conciliatory. Bush won. I could say that I hope that history finds that those of us who supported Kerry were wrong, and that Bush did indeed have the correct vision for this country. I’d rather that I be wrong in my choice than that future historians should judge this first decade of the century as a great moral and political calamity. I could say that. I would not necessarily feel it, but I could say that I hope I was wrong and that Bush is right. “For the sake of the country,” to use that old cliché.
I can’t say what I don’t really believe, though. There is no joy in Mudville.
I could express my anger. That would be much easier. I am angry. I read today about the Bush campaign’s “irritation” that Kerry hasn’t conceded yet, and I think to myself, “Ah yes, that’s the Bush I remember from the 2000 election fight.” Andrew Card came out around 5:45 this morning and declared victory for Bush, even though technically he does not have the 270 electoral votes needed, and technically his opponent hasn’t conceded. That is quintessential Bush 2000 as well. Say you are the victor, act like you are the victor, and soon enough, people will believe you are the victor. It also reminds me of the “Mission Accomplished” joke. Saying a thing makes it so, for George Bush. George Bush reminds me of a quote attributed to Churchill, who supposedly said of Montgomery, the victor at el Alamein in World War II: (paraphrase)”In defeat unbeatable; in victory insufferable.”
So I am angry. Something else that keeps playing over in my mind is how all those self-righteous, officious pricks like Pat Robertson can now say, “See, we told you God had chosen George Bush to lead this country. George Bush is blessed by God.” It’s childish of me, I know, but I really wanted to see them proved wrong. I wanted it not only for my own satisfaction, but for their own growth as human beings as well, as silly as that sounds. Sometimes people need to be forced to realize that they do not know the mind of God, despite what they think.
Bitter? I’m bitter, too, if you can’t tell. No need to explain that one. Walking up here to work in the darkness, the wind whipping up and down First Street—for it is very windy today in Washington, which I suppose will occasion some mention of the “winds of change” in a Bush victory speech he may deliver today—the people walking with me were utterly silent. Before that, on the bus, silence. On the train, silence, too. And I thought, this is surreal, this is some nightmare and soon I’ll wake up. No, if it’s a nightmare, it’s going to be four years long, I’m sorry to say.
Instead of of focusing on all the negative emotions, here is what I propose for salving the psychological pain of this election. In the next day or two, it is essential to find something else to focus on. I’d suggest the following:
- A potentially good movie is coming out tomorrow, The Incredibles. Go see it.
- Listen to music all day; tune in to the news as briefly as possible.
- Read something literary and far removed from the present: 19th century Romantic poetry, Shakespeare.
- Play a video game, preferably a shooter, until your eyes weep for reasons other than the election. You might also feel better playing something with a noble theme in which the good guys win, like one of the Lord of the Rings video games.
- The Lord of the Rings: Battle for Middle Earth RPG game is shipping. Buy it and submit yourself to it for a good long time.
- A new episode of Lost is on ABC tonight. Look forward to it.
- Go spend money on something you’ve really been wanting
In short, we all need some escape right now. Any one of these things are a potential mood lifter. If anyone has any further suggestions to add to my list, feel free to add to it in the comments.